A Late Bloomer
Today's Weight 207.5lbs (Yep, STILL TOM!!)
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Oh boy, I’m feeling pretty good about life today. I’ve just had an epiphany.
Usually when I think about my weight and about how much it’s blighted my life, I could cry from sheer frustration and annoyance. I beat myself up about it – why didn’t I try to get to grips with this problem sooner, why have I been so lazy, what a waste of my youth, what damage have I done to myself?
This negativity doesn’t solve anything, and it just makes me feel shitty. I can’t turn back the clock, so I’ve just got to learn to accept that what’s gone is gone, and that it’s the future that’s important. It helps, though, to get some kind of perspective on just what I think I’ve been missing out on all these years.
OK, so weight and shyness prevented me from doing the usual teenage act-like-an-idiot-and-put-out-for-spotty-boys thing - well big frigging deal. It prevented me from running with the cool crowd at school, college and university - well so bloody what? It’s held me back from clubbing and partying, from tapping off and notching up a string of one-night-stands – well hoo-fucking-ray. What have I really missed out on? Obviously not a lot, when you look at it in the clear light of day.
Focusing on the positive, my weight hasn’t prevented me from achieving any of the really important things in my life. It didn’t stop me from having a couple of really great boyfriends (consecutively, not concurrently!), before finally settling down with a man who I love with my whole heart, and who loves and accepts me whatever I weigh. It didn’t stop me from excelling at school and university, and from achieving more than I ever expected in my career. It didn’t stop me developing good, rich relationships with my family and a few close friends. It hasn’t stopped me from reading and writing (my two favourite pastimes). In all the ways that really matter, it hasn’t held me back in the slightest.
And you know what? In a way, it could be seen as a bonus to have been fat for the first 40 years of my life. Looking on the bright side, I’ll be better looking at 41 than I was at 21. Not that that’s saying much, ‘cos I was hideous at 21, but hey, you’ve got to take your wins where you can find ‘em! I reckon at 41 I’ll be bloody gorgeous 
. With clothes on, at any rate. So at the age when other women are beginning to fret about losing their good looks and leaving their best years behind, I’ll just be reaching my peak. Yowzer! Add that to the much vaunted 40-yr-old-female sexual peak, and I’m onto a winner!
There’s something to be said for being a late bloomer. For me life truly has begun at 40, since I'm bursting with new energies and enthusiasms. Yay me! I’ll finally have the confidence to indulge my girly side, and have fun experimenting with clothes, colours, hairstyles etc. You can forget the snidey comments about mutton dressed up as lamb 'cos I don’t give a damn and I’m planning on having a ball! I’ll be able to learn new things about myself - I’ll find new sports and activities to motivate me, uncover fresh cuisines and cooking methods to tempt me, push and challenge myself to achieve things I never thought were remotely possible for me. Woohoo. And just think, if I’d lived a life of skinny I wouldn’t have this to look forward to, this euphoric feeling of emerging from a chrysalis, flapping my wings and flying for the first time. I have the fat to thank for all this heady anticipation!
Cheers! StarrGurl