The Fatslayer Chronicles

Mar 27, 2006 at 18:25 o\clock

A Case of the Blahs

Today's Weight 172.5lbs 


I’ve been slacking lately, and I’ve gained 3lbs. Shame on me! It’s always the same when I’ve been on holiday – it takes me a few days to get back in the saddle. I have a few measly bad days and suddenly my fat cells wake up from their hibernation and grab hold of all the extra calories with a death-grip, and my taste-buds start to remind me how much I like eating chilli-burgers and chocolate brownies, and how tired I’ve become of bran-flakes and mung beans.


Holidays are always my undoing…I start eating crap and stop exercising, and within a couple of days I feel like a beached whale. A mere 10 days ago I was feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed, now I feel like road kill. It shouldn’t take a doctorate in particle physics to understand the simple concept that if I eat crap I’ll start feeling like crap, so when am I going to learn that lesson?


If someone offered me the options of a) feeling energetic, invigorated and virtuous or b) feeling sluggish, bloated and ashamed of myself, it would be an easy choice, wouldn’t it? So why do I persist in thinking of appetite indulgence as something pleasurable? Eating chilli burger and fries – on top of all the other crap I’ve eaten lately - might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but it just isn’t worth it in terms of the blah feelings that come afterwards. And man, the guilt just does my head in – you’d think I’d been drowning barrelfuls of puppies, I feel so damn guilty and ashamed of myself.


Just to underline my feelings of inadequacy my friend has just come back from vacation, and she was telling me that she didn’t eat or drink a single naughty thing the whole two weeks she was away. Two weeks in Italy without pasta, pizza, red wine, ice cream…what the hell’s wrong with her? Instead she ate undressed green salads, grilled chicken and sparkling water, she ran and swam every day and did press-ups and crunches in her hotel room – and she LOST two pounds.


In Italy!


Damn, it’s not fair. Losing weight on an Italian vacation is practically illegal! It shouldn’t be allowed. No one should be that perfect and self-disciplined – it’s simply not normal.


I don’t even ASPIRE to being that perfect – I’m willing to accept a few flaws if I’m generally heading in the right direction.


With self-discipline like this it’s small wonder that though she’s 5’7” tall she’s never weighed more than 8 stones (112lbs). Honestly, I’ve seen more fat on a spare rib. If I had a tenth of her self-restraint I’d probably be at goal by now. I wish she was horrible and nasty so that I could hate her with a clear conscience! Heh heh.


As it is, I’m forced to like her despite myself. She’s a dead ringer for Courtney Cox and yet she’s really lovely and good natured. It’s obscene. If she was just ten stone heavier she’d be perfect. Heh heh. Maybe I should start injecting liquefied lard into her celery sticks and carrot batons just to even the playing field a little.


But enough of her, and back to me. I need to haul myself back on the wagon so that I can be in better shape for my own Italian vacation which is now only 17 weeks from today. That’s not that far away, bearing in mind I wanted to be at 150lbs by the time we go. I’ll need to lose a consistent 1.33lbs per week to make it, which is more than I’ve been averaging recently (even without the 3lb gain). I probably won’t make it unless my metabolism goes into overdrive, which it’s never obliged me by doing in the past.


I guess I’’ll just have to start trying harder. As an accountant my busiest time of year is approaching – from 1st April to 30th June I’ll be working at least a 12 hour day as standard, so I’ll have to be ultra-disciplined with my exercise. I’m planning to do 2 hours exercise each day (split into pre-work, lunchtime and evening sessions), and I’ve worked out a schedule as follows:


4.30 am – 5.00 am      Exercise

5.00 – 6.00 am           Shower and drive to work

6.00 – 1.30pm            Work

1.30 – 2.30 pm           Brisk Walking (to de-stress from morning)

2.30 – 6.00 pm           Work

6.00 – 6.30pm            Drive home (playing de-stressing music REALLY LOUD)

6.30 – 8.00 pm           Dinner (prepared by Kim) and relaxation

8.00 – 8.30pm            Exercise

8.30 – 10.30pm          Relaxation

10.30 – 4.30am          Sleep (…zzzzzzz……)


If I can’t haul myself out of bed half an hour earlier than normal to exercise before work I’ll have to do an extra half hour in the evening. It sounds like an onerous schedule, but 2 hours exercise out of every 24 isn’t a lot (8.3% of the total) and I’ll just have to force myself to make the time. I don’t want to, but I have to.


I’ll have to get Kim to poke me with a sharpened stick if I start to slack. Heh, he’ll probably enjoy that.


I envy those Superwomen types who somehow seem to hold down a demanding full time job, rear and home-school a brood of adorably well behaved children, have twenty rewarding (and community enriching) hobbies, delight their husbands by being slutty in the bedroom and chic and charming outside it, and maintain a 20 point BMI through their hectic schedule of marathon running, shark-wrestling and limbo dancing.


How the hell do they do it?


And if they can do it, why can’t I?

Comments for this entry:

  1. PastaQ wrote at Mar 28, 2006 at 23:00 o\clock:There\'s a 4:30 in the morning? :) That\'s an ambitious schedule. Good luck!

    I\'d also like to say, if I ever go to Italy I will be ashamed of myself if I don\'t gain weight. I am, after all, the Pasta Queen.

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