My Life

Thats right folks I'm off across the pond.  I've been here for over a week and FINALLY go home on Saturday!  I've been in Birmingham, Lichfield, and London and now I'm back in Lichfield for the remainder.  I'm ready to go home because I miss my dog and my cat and my boyfriend sooooo much.  I cant' wait to get home!!!

Mood: Great
Listening to: Nada

Well things with me and the guy have been great.  Almost a little too great.  I'm completely in love even though he says he doesn't love me, yet.  But some people have been burned worse than others and I understand that.  We're going on 4 months now. I know it's not a long time but every long relationship started with one date.  He's leaving tomorrow to go to California for a week, which is actually the longest bit of time we've spent apart since we met.  I'm kind of excited to see how much he misses me after a whole week.  He really is the best thing that's happened to me. We get along great and he takes care of me.  Like he does little things for me.  He takes the trash out and will clean the kitchen or make the bed.  I hope this lasts because I can't imagine being with someone that makes me happier.  :) 

That's really it for now.  Life is good!

Hope everyone has a Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!

Mood: Happy

In my last entry I talked about the guy I met.  And he is absolutely fabulous.  We've been dating over a month now and he's still not used to my laid back ways.  Like if we're out with his friends and I don't feel well I'll go home.  I'm not going to ruin everyone elses' bad time because I don't feel good.  So last night for instance I was getting a really bad migrane headache and I told him I was going to go.  He kept asking me if I wanted him to go with me and I told him he didn't have to.  Which I think confused the hell out of him because he kept saying now does that mean if I don't go home with you you'll be mad.  Of course not.  How could I be mad?  I'm the one with the headache and there's really nothing he could do except sit in my apartment and be quiet.  He thinks about me and tells me how much he likes me and thinks that I'm pretty.  I really appreciate our relationship and think that it is going very well.

 

So on the other front.  I have made some new friends.  We met about a month before me and aforementioned boyfriend met.  Since meeting him I do admit that we have been joined at the hip.  Now I also have been involved with the local sailing club and last weekend was a regatta.  I was on a boat called Godspeed which is a 40' J boat.  That means that boat is built for racing.  It's not your normal 'crusing' sail boat.  So I worked my ASS OFF!  At the end of the day I got home and was just wore out.  So friend A calls me and I tell her I'm going to go take a nap and see if it improves my sun burned, tired butt! She says fine and if I don't feel like coming out just let them know.  So friend B calls and I call her back and say you know I'm just hella tired and don't feel like coming out.  She lays into me and starts telling me that because I'm seeing boyfriend I never go out anymore, so not true.  I go out with friend A all the time because she wants to go out just as much as I do and friend B is kind of well a bitch and if we're going someplace she doesn't luuuuuuv she won't go.  And continues to tell me that because I'm spending so much time with boyfriend our relationship will fail.  I tell her that she is wrong.  This goes on for a while and I finally tell her, look I'm an adult I make adult decisions and if I'm too tired to go out, then kiss my butt.

 Now I will admit that earlier in the week I didn't want to go out with them for our usual Thursday Happy Hour but it was because I was broke.  I mean really broke.  I had like $5 to my name and wasn't going to waste it on drinks.  She again berated me and said that boyfriend would be ok without me for one night.  I wasn't even going to see him that night.  B is a rich girl and doesn't understand what it's like to not have money to go out.  And she didn't even offer, hey I'll buy you a drink or whatever.  Then on Saturday night she brought all this up and told me that if I'd have said something we could have done something free.  I told her that day at like 1 that I was poor and didn't have any $$ and then she gets all up in my ass for not wanting to go out.  What a great friend.

 

Well I'll let this go because I'm in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man right now.  He makes me so happy and nothing can take that away right now.   :)

You spend days, weeks, months, even YEARS searching for your the 'one'. But how do you know when you've found them?  I met a man, yes I know that this is a common thread for my blog.  This is my life of search.  I'm not going to waste my time thinking wishing hoping that the relationship will work.  I will just give up throw my hands into the air and give up.  It's easier to be alone than in an unhappy relationship, in my mind.  This guy has completely blown my mind.  He's very handsome, smart, funny, works and lives near me.  Doesn't have a pending transfer, or someplace to go.  He's here.  He's emotionally available.  And being with him has made me very happy.  Yes it's only been a week and we're in the whole 'newness' is still there.  I try very hard to control my feelings, not letting myself let a man in early on, if ever.  How can you trust someone when so many of the same have treated you so badly?  They treat you like shit.  They tell you they're going to be there for you, and they're not.  They act like all you are is something that they own.  I don't want to be owned.  I want to be in a partnership.  What do I have to do to find that?  What if I have?  How do you recognize that?  Here's the only problem.  He's Jewish- I'm not.  Which means that his mother would never allow us to marry.  I've dated Jews before and it was a non-issue because well, I didn't have the feeling that I have when I'm with him.  (with the exception of Ari but again he was leaving) So what do I do?  I have, before thought about converting but I'm not sure what all that entails.  And I'm not sure that it would make him happy.  I really do like him and I really don't want to get hurt.  But there are no guarantees.  When things go this good its like you can almost sense the impending doom.  Why do I want so bad to be married?  Why do I have this incredable need to have childeren, which is SO NOT ME.  Its like something has changed in me and made me want someone to really want me that badly.  I know that I have talked the talk but I'm beginning to walk the walk.  Which scares the shit out of me.  Really scares me.  I hope this works out so badly I just hope that it doesn't fall apart.  I want him to want to be with me so badly.  I've never found someone who compliments me so perfectly.  Who everyone, my friends, my family everyone likes.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.   All I can do now, is hope.

Mood: Melencholy
Listening to: James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Today I was walking out of the liquor store holding my brown paper bag.  I had bought something that was familiar.  Something that would hold a memory.  Not necessecarally a bad one.  Just a memory.  How do things do that? Sometimes you feel it when you meet someone or the first time you smell or eat something.  It's like "hey, where've you been?".  I don't know if it's a reincarnation or something or fate falling in your lap.  Am I the only one that ever feels that way? 

But why do these familiar things go away.  The food is gone, the friend moves the smell drifts. I don't like that.  I don't like it when you know someone so well, they can tell by the tone of your voice that you're sad or happy or not feeling well.  They can look you in the eyes and know who you are.. and just like that you know them.  You both know that life has its paths.  Paths that you're both taking that at some point you're both walking in the same line but at one point yours or theirs will veer right and yours will veer left and then they're gone.  I know that life does this it sends you things and then takes them back, sends you friends, pets, life moments and then takes them back.  Maybe your paths will cross again, maybe they won't.  So what do you do?  You live that moment out as long as you can.  And when it fades you don't feel so bad.  You know that you put out what you could.  But things will get better, they always do.  You keep in touch through phone calls and emails.  But then those fade just as easily until you meet up one day someplace unexpected, or one of you calls unexpectedly and you pick up right where you left off.  Right where you needed to be.