I'm gon start some drama. You don't want no drama... and cat ear vaginas
Listening to: My Humps
Okay, so, I'm sitting in my office/guest room/Christmas tree room/storage area trying to write my heroine out of a difficult situation when my 9 year old bops by the door singing (beautifully I might add), "My hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps...."
WTF? Lady humps? WTF's a lady hump? I mean, I get it, Blackeyed Peas and Fergie's tits and ass... but lady lumps? Maybe it's because I'm OLD, but when I hear that I think of a dowager's hump. Or that hump diabetic women get just below their necks. You've seen it, looks kinda... fatty. Plus, I'm ... uh... morally outraged (?) that my kid is singing about the junk in her trunk. Well, more embarrassed, and pissed 'cause now I can't get it out of my head... Ima ge' ge' ge' get you drunk.... Also? Humps? C'mon.
*sigh*
Right, next thing on the list? We spent time with J's family on Christmas Day. Same thing every year, presents, too much food, lounging, wanting to go home but being too full and too lazy to actually herd everyone toward the door. *This* year, however, we had a bonus guest. Craaaaaaaaaazy Aunt H.
Every family has a Crazy Aunt H (CAH). She wears hats with bells sewn to the brim. She has a creepy lifesize child doll propped in one of her bedroom windows. She has a boyfriend named Fred and she's older than God. She hugs complete strangers and leaves them with, "God loves you and so do I and there's nuttin' you can do about it, it's unconditional." Sweet, strange lady except for when she moves her dentures around in her mouth and sucks on them. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.
Anyway, I showed CAH a close up of my cat's ear I'd taken earlier with my new digital camera because I wanted to show off how crystal clear, sharp, and COOOL my camera is. So, I show her this picture and I wish I could attach it, but it's toooo big because my NEW CAMERA is THAT cool, and she looks at it, then squints up at me and asks, "Is that your vagina?"
Yes, CAH, I took a picture of my vagina with my COOL NEW CAMERA and showed it to you so you could be impressed with how well it captures the details. It's like you're RIGHT THERE, isn't it??
"Ummmm. No. It's a cat's ear. Isn't it sharp?"
"Looks like a vagina," she said.
