In response
Shelbug :) remarked that this seems out of character for J, and she's right. Now that I've had a day to cool down and talk trash about the man I love, I'm free to explore why I reacted so strongly to his jackassedness. It is out of character for him, which I guess is part of the reason that I'm reacting so negatively.
I love my husband. I adore him, so I think that's why his sudden about face has hit me so hard. I hate disappointing him. I also hate being told what to do. Puts us in an awkward position now doesn't it. But, if he has a problem with me, it's good that he tells me, right? Rather than letting it fester to the point of divorce. (His words. Not mine.) At least I know.
Maybe it's his job. He's recently switched to a position that gives him a lot more responsibility, so much so that he doesn't have enough time in the day to finish his to do list (which is why I don't make to do lists. I hate setting myself up for disappointment.). That's stressful for a guy like him. And he's the new guy on the floor and he's gotta prove himself - not easy on the ego, since Ph.d's are notoriously sphincterish in his field and always looking to undermine. Also, he's used to everyone liking him or at least begrudgingly respecting his very big brain, and since he's new to the floor... well.... So he's had it rough these past few months.
Couple that with a mini-van that's decided to put itself into hospice, and a budget that could make a new van payment but doesn't really want to... mix thoroughly, trip over laundry pile one too many times and voila: the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back.
But I'm finding it difficult to say that I should have Donna Reeded myself. I have supported him. I have listened to him talk about work, and listen to his worries. I've told him that I am willing to relocate, to leave behind my family and friends, to pull our kids out of everything familiar if it will help his comfort level at work. I keep my mouth shut when he disappears into his office for hours at a time checking his e-bay because I figured he needs extra time to unwind and count his money and figure out his next financial move or whatever it is he does while he's in there. I've taught his baby sign language for God's sake. The only thing I feel I haven't done is tidied the house consistently and big freakin' deal. So your parents can't go into our bedroom when they visit. So what?! Or maybe I'm missing something much bigger. Maybe because my feelings are still hurt.
I'm glad he went away on a business trip. I needed the time apart, because if he'd been here yesterday and this morning, things couldn't have ended well. His trip ends tomorrow night. He called last night, but I let it go to the machine because I am petty and not ready to talk. He said he made it to South Carolina and that he misses us and loves us and that he loves me, and he sounded thoroughly... sad. And to that I said good. Swim in it 'til you get pruney.
Until I listened to his message again, and then I felt sorry for him. Who hasn't said things they mean and need to say, but said them unkindly and then regretted it?
Still, I'm putting serious thought into my recertification. I don't like how it feels to know that I'm entirely dependent on anyone else. I don't like it at all.
You\'re doing a great job with your children. You put them first and foremost and you respect, love, and honor your husband. That is also a great quality about you that I hope to have when I have children and if I ever get re-married. I respect what you do and I admire what you do. It isn\'t easy.
Having said that, it\'s not healthy to entirely rely on someone to support you [in any way] fully. The only thing definite in families is the love of children for their parents. That is what is constant. Everything else can change in the blink of an eye. Recertification sounds like an amazing idea, although it\'s probably a little scary for you. That\'s only because you\'ve not done it in 9 years. Always do what you\'re afraid to do. It\'ll show just how strong you really are.
You\'re a good wife and a good mother. Don\'t ever think differently. This is coming from an objective point of view, because I do not know your family. I do read what you write, but the fact that you write *about* your husband and children 90% of the time shows me that you put them first. An amazing quality to have. There\'s not one thing you should feel guilty about. No one is perfect, not even your husband. Yes, he\'s stressed and Im sure he wants to come home to a sparkling clean house and dinner on the table. Who wouldn\'t? Reality is, that\'s not life. All you can do is try.
I hope that I\'m not stepping on your toes or making you feel uncomfortable. I just want you to know that someone does recognize everything you\'re doing and it\'s normal to feel what you\'re feeling. Figure out what is important to you. Figure out what your heart is telling you to do. The heart whispers so listen closely.
:)
Shel
ps. im a counselor so i do this by nature. if i\'ve offended you, i apologize.