Changing Me

Well, it's been about a week and I've done great! I'm drinking no pepsi, not even diet. Strictly on water. I found this great water at walmart called sam's choice clear american water but its black cherry flavor. zero calories, sodium free, caffeine free. can't beat that. Im also drinking regular water. I'm finding it very easy to do this. Ive lost the craving for sweets, for the most part. I dont have a scale, so I cant tell if Ive gained or lost. I do know one thing ... I am sleeping a lot better. Im getting tired at a 'normal' hour, and im waking up at a 'normal' hour. Im also doing a better job of focusing on things throughout my day.

My fiance has been very supportive. He has cut out sweets and pepsi-like products. he's been drinking apple juice, water, and lemonade. it's nice to have someone so supportive, especially during this challenge.

I've not been doing so great on my walking. I can't move the treadmill because its too heavy and hes been working a lot this week. Im hoping we can move it tomorrow evening, since he has sunday and monday off. if he does, i will walk 1 mile every day this upcoming week. I think that will help me out a lot.

I can feel a difference in my knees. they dont pop and grind as much anymore. I dont necessarily have more energy, per se, but im feeling wide awake throughout my day.

Im peeing a lot more, too.

Im proud of myself. Ive cut down my portions. Not a whole lot, but some. Ive cut out all sweets completely. Im eating less bread, more greens (salads) and meats (protein). Im putting forth an effort. I might join a gym, when I feel up to wearing clothes and allowing my fat to fly around infront of people. Im not confident enough yet. Yet.

Its my bedtime. I just wanted to update. Thank you Aly for your support and kind words. I hope things work out for you and the SSD.

Well, this is my first time doing something like this. I figured it would be a good way to keep track of my progress. No one knows I’m dieting, and I think that it helps. I need to. I know it in my heart and deep within my guts. I’m doing this so I can be healthy, not worry about the 'normal' things when I go shopping, and just feel all around better about my self-image. I guess I should tell you a little about myself. I am 26 years old. I'm 5'7". I wear a size 26/28 (American). For a long time I thought that I was fine, until these last couple of months. I had to buy new winter clothes. Nothing was fitting right. I cried in the dressing room to the point I was gasping for air. It was the first time I had ever thought about doing myself harm. Then I started thinking about the man I’m with. He sleeps with me. He has sex with me. He loves this big pile of blubber that I've become. I told him what happened - I tell him everything. I keep no secrets from him. I told him that I wanted to lose weight to become healthier. It was partly true. The other part is so that he can be proud of me and I can be proud of me. He went out and bought me a treadmill and told me he would support me all he could. I don’t want to be a size 6. I just want to be a size 20. Realistically, that's something I can achieve. Once I hit size 20, I'll aim for a size 16. I don’t have the hips or butt to be a small girl. I’m curvy. I have wide hips and a big ol butt. That’s just me. My ultimate goal is size 14. I was a size 14 once. 

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My goals for the first couple of months are as follows: 

No chocolate
No Pepsi
Walk 1 mile, at my own pace, on the treadmill 3 times per week. 

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I've not had any chocolate for 4 days now. I ate 3 Reeses pieces this morning, and they nearly made me throw up. I don’t have the craving for chocolate anymore, or I’m just sick of being the way I am. I've had no pop for a day now. That's the hardest thing for me. I love cherry Pepsi. I don’t have the normal headaches from giving up caffeine, either. Maybe I’m getting caffeine from somewhere else. I’m drinking tea. Maybe that’s it. 

I've got me a journal to record every time I walk. I write it down. I'll record it here as well. This weekend I plan to start walking. Saturday, in fact. Well, I would weigh myself, but I have no scale. Maybe that’s best. Anyway - I’m going to go now. Thanks for listening.