If I Could ...

Mood: pissy !
Listening to: the rain outside

Its another pissy day at work.. I'm targeted again, for being me.. Today, as always, for my dinnertime, I went out and bought a nice grape slushie ice cold drink to take back with me..and as I was leaving I could hear them heckling that I was going to get another slushie, like as if I needed the calories.. ugh !  

Sometimes I wish they would just grow up.. or die !  They annoy the piss out of me and I am growing more and more frustrated with their behaviour each day. 

Well.. Friday is my last day in my promotion position at work, and back on Monday I'm a lowly piss-ass like the rest of them.. I hear them gloat and chuckle that I'll soon be back on the phones.. but I don't care.. I have thick skin.. so they think.

Mood: Worried

I worry about my best friend.  She's been going through some mental health issues as of late and has been in and out of Hostels trying to survive day to day.  She's been without me by her side for many years now as we don't live in the same vacinity, and I know that plays a part in her mental health as she sometimes feels she has no one to turn to, no one who can hear her cries.  Yet she doesn't reach out. 

I'm here.. I've always been here for her.  How can I make her reach out to me?  I want to help her but I stretch my arm out to her and she doesn't grab on.  It sooo depressing and mind boggling to me.  Sometimes I wonder if she would be stronger if I just cut the apron strings.  Let her be alone, let her ride through this rollercoaster of life without my support.   But I fear it will back fire, that she will commit suicide and I'd never be able to forgive myself for letting go of her.  I'd feel that I had desserted her, abandonded her.. and I couldn't bear that thought. 

Mood: Deep

There are days, when you can feel blessed to still be alive.. Blessed that you weren't run over by a car, or kidnapped, or raped.. or mugged.. or whatever !   Somedays, its good to know that when the sun came up, your eyes opened, and your lungs took in a deep breath to say you're alive !  for another day.

But is that always the best thing?  Sometimes I have wondered if waking up was worth all the hassle the day would bring?