Why
Why? Why am I doing this? Why am I sad? Why do I feel so hopeless? Why do I want to hurt myself? Why don't I? Why do I hide? Why do I smoke all the fucking time when I don't even really want to? I'm just killing myself...I know I am. I know I'm going to get cancer and die...And I know from my eating disorder I'll be an obese old person, from my depression, I'll be a pessemist, and from my views on myself I'll always be alone. So why can't I just quit? This would all be so much easier if I just had some fucking answers! But no one knows the answers./..Supossedly I do, but if I know them I'm, keeping them pretty well kept from myself. Why do I hate myself? Why do I want to go away forever? Why do I think people care? WHY WHY WHY! There are so many questions...But there aren't any answers. And even if there were I'd just want more. I can never be satisified with what I have...I always want something more...I want to know something on a deeper level...I want something to be more meaningful...Whatever. I'm just never happy with what I have. And I'm not happy with the information I have. I don't even want to smoke anymore...The light headed feeling hurts my head and cigarretes are so disgusting. So why do I do it? Why don't I just stop? I can't...People tell me I can but I can't. Not just with smoking...With everything. I can't stop thinking poorly of myself, I can't stop feeling so hopeless, I can't stop wanting to hurt myself...I just can't. I can't, I don't have the energy...i don't have the will...And even if I did...No one would care. I'm just another stupid teenager in this world. I really am. I'm another stupid girl with a fistful of whys, and nowhere to get the answers. Why am I doing this to myself? But more importantly...Why can't I stop?
