Why?
Why aren't I getting any frickin' better? I've been doing everything they've asked of me...I'm taking the stupid medication, I'm going to the therapy, I go to the pediatritions...I do everything! I even do the stupid pointless cutting check sheets whenever I want to turn myself into a cutting board! Why isn't it helping? They keep telling me I'll get better...They keep telling me that it'll be okay as long as I don't give up and do whatever they say...IT'S NOT GETTING ANY BETTER!! I'm getting worse. I don't want to wake up in the mornings...I don't want to excersize, I don't want to go out, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't even want to write. I just want to go into a nonexistant state. I don't even care if I get better anymore. I really don't. It's not worth it. Every time I think I might be getting on the rode to betterness...I go back into shitty depression mode. All 'getting better' is faliure and dissapointment. You think you're going to be okay but then-WHAM! You're back to square one. It's just not worth it...It's not even worth it to do. Nothing is worth living...I wanted to get better...And now I don't give a damn and you know what? Everyone can be right. My ebst friend can be right in saying that I'm lazy My mum can be right in saying I'm not going to kill myself. Everyone can be right and I can just wallow in my misery and grow fatter and fatter and die of absolute obesity if I don't die of sheer depression first. Everyone gets to be right...Everyone gets to be happy...Everyone wins...Except for me. I die. But, that doesn't matter. Because everyone else is happy and sometimes happiness requires sacrafice. So, I'll just live with a feeling of depression and hopelessness for the rest of forever and die lonely and obese because I'm never getting better.
