What do I want?
Do I want to die quickly or slowly? Do I want to be a hypocrit or a liar? Do I want to bleed to death internally or externally? Do I want to cut or smoke? Right now...Cigarettes have taken place of cutting...But now I'm a hypocrite for yelling at all the people I love to quit smoking. For telling them they're going to die a terriable death and how nasty they are. If I cut...I'm indusing a lie. Lulling everyone into the 'she's okay' state. I'm trying to die for the moment, but not for the life. What the Hell do I want? Do I want to smoke or cut? Both are bad for me...Both will kill me...Both I've tried to make other people quit. I'm a fucking hypocrit and if anyone finds out they'll hate me. Except my best friend...She understands. If Ken finds out...I'm fucking dead. I KNOW that'd cause a major falling out. Dad is going to kill me to. I might as well just do it myself while I'm still instead. Die quickly and bleed to death on the outside and have LIAR scrawled across my tomb. It would serve me right.
