Mood: Contemplative, depressed, scared.
Listening to: AFI-Black Sails in the SUnset
Time saddens me...It changes so much, it destroys so much. I was walking through the park last night and saw an old friend of mine, when I had lost saw her she was very straight-edge, very happy, very pretty, and she was just her own person. I saw her, and hardly recognized her. She was so high it's a wonder she wasn't burnt up from the atmosphere, her hair was bedraggled, she looked like she'd been sad for a long time...She looked right through me. I guess I've disliked time for a while...I see what it does to people. The old grow older and past, the little babies grow up and start doing things you remember doing(I.E. Going into 5th grade...Obsessing over a silly school-yard crush.) and you just can't help but wonder what happened to the little babies. I know it's impossiable to beat time, but I'm somewhat afraid of it. All it takes is time to change someone into a completely different person...Which makes me wonder; who will I be in 5 years? Will I still be a manic depressive with out of control MPD? Will I be happy and somehow magically afford the therapy it takes to integrate my alters(the closest thing to a cure for MPD.)? And here comes the hardest question; will I still be with Skye? It's hard to imagine anything but the present. I can't imagine not having my alters to take over in situations I can't handle and not being able to speak with them. I can't really imagine being consistantly happy either. Logically, I know that my depression can't last forever...Some time it has to get better...But what I don't know, is when? I suposse eventually I'll figure everything out...Right now, time scares me. I'm afraid of the dark mystery that coats the future.
