They want me to die
Mood: Suicidal, confused, hurt, depressed
My life is a big black hole. All the light is devoured by the pain and misery. People want me to die, they actually told me to go and kill myself. I wish I could! I wish I didn't have to keep living...I don't know why I can't die...Maybe I should have cut a little deeper on my wrist...Or maybe I shouldn't have stopped halfway through. Nobody wants me on this earth...Nobody at all. I'm nothing to everyone and I'm just taking up valuable resources that other people could use. How should I die though? Slowly? Quickly? And everyone thinks I'm a whore! Somehow everyone thinks I cheated on Skye...Even though I didn't!! I feel like I'm screaming the same thing at the top of my lungs over and over again and nobody even bothers to listen. Why do people think that I cheated? I WOULD NEVER CHEAT!!! NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT A STUPID WHORE!!! I'm so tired of everyone hating me...I don't even know why they hate me. Why do they hate me? Why am I such a terriable person that everyone wants me to die and makes up terriable rumors about me? Why me?! What did I do! I can't handle this..This life...All this depression...Everything is just too much and I'm going to explode. I feel tears well up in my eyes...I blink them away. Crying makes me weak. I'm already weak though...My wrist is proof. I should just go the rest of the way and kill myself...It'd be the best thing to do. I'd be doing everyone in the world a favor. I don't know...If I knew my death would make everything better I'd do it! I'd take a razor to my throat in a second if I thought it would help! I don't know if it will help though....I'm just so confused and hurt right now...I just want everything to stop...I want to retreat and hibernate until things blow over. I can't though...I have to stick this through...I blame birth controle of the 90/80s.
I had people tell me to go and kill myself when I was in high school. I almost did! I guess I was more scared of dying then I was of living. Strange huh? I personally hope you hold on. I know it doesn\'t feel like it right now.....But it will get better. Although you have to be patient because it could literally take years. It does get better though. That I promise. I hope things get a little better soon. I know that the holidays can be the worse time. Hope to hear from you again soon. Feel free to email me if you need to talk........Bye =)
Teri24@Myway.com
Your Blogigo Friend,
=) Teri\'05