Spider
You can spend your entire future thinking over your past. You can wallow in the wrongs down to you, that you have down to yourself...But that doesn't change it...Does it? You were still cheated on, hit, lied to, forgotten, foresaken, hurt, broken, and left to die. You were still that miserable person that you never thought you could be because everyone always told you how strong you were. But the past still is real...You can't escape it. You can't change it. Everywhere you look there's a small reminder...Everywhere you look there's temptation to revert back to wronging yourself. Well, this is the example of what happens when you give into that temptation. Over and over agian until it is a necessisity. Until your life is hurting yourself in every way possiable. Denying yourself the pain only hurts so much the worse after a certain point. You're trapped in a web of hurt and tears of your own creation. If only there were a merciful spider to come and wrap you in it's silk...Make you feel loved and safe before it takes your life away and you are dead. I can keep thrashing in my web, keep trying to escape, by the spider is long gone. It abandoned it's fruitless web long ago...Believed me to be dead when I was entangled in it's decieving silk. So I am stuck here. I am stuck thrashing until I grow tired, starving because I can't go and get any nourishment, and despising myself for not seeing the signs beforehand. There is no spider to help me. The web needs to be cut, or I will kill myself within it. The past has not been kind...The present isn't kind...The future holds no promise. I'm just an ugly fly trapped as everyone else goes about their business...Not sparing a glance. Other insects, as insignificant and foolish as myself, see me trapped and see me as a warning to stay away. Stay away or you'll be trapped too. But no one has ever gotten trapped in the web with me, they've just hovered near it curiously. I'm only in the web that the spider of the past has spun to catch me in...And I was dumb enough to fly into it. There seems to be no consolation right now...Not even tears are my companion tonight. I'm truely alone...And people can see me...But they can't touch me becuse they can't give their life. Although, I will never resent anyone for that. I will never hate anyone for not wanting to be trapped in this web just to be with me...I can't say that I would fly myself into another person's web should I ever get free of my own. Then again..Maybe I would. Maybe I'd thrash and rage with them...Just to let them know that they aren't trapped alone. Who knows...I can't see myself being set free any time soon. I'm in a little web...And the only cuts are on my own flesh. The only spider to suck my life away is myself...Bleed myself a little more each day until I know there is nothing left of my strength and I'm an empty shell with a beating heart. A heart that never should have started beating in the first place...I was a mistake to begin with. I was never wanted, I was never welcome, I'm an intrusion on my own life. I'm what's wrong with my life...That's it. Not my family, not my friends, no one. Just me and my mistaken heart. Why did I have to be born? Everyone would have been so much happier if my web had never been woven...Because maybe somewhere along the way they noticed I was gone...And when they found what had become of me...They were too disturbed by what they had found to reach out and try to make the eternaty of struggle any easier. This fate is mine to bare alone...But I just don't think I can do it anymore. I think my strength is gone...And the heart is still beating...But it's only out of habit. there's no more hope, there's no light, there's nothing...Just a web with a half dead bug caught in it.
