I cry through my skin.

Jan 12, 2007 at 07:27 o\clock

So many questions...

 Everyone tells me I'm so beautiful...So why can't I get a boyfriend? Why can't I find someone to love me? Why can't I meet people's eyes, talk to someone first, why can't I walk proudly? If I'm so beautiful...Why can't I see it? Why can't I really be it, I mean...To be beautiful you must accept it and live your life like you are...So why can't I? And why can't I ever seem to pick a boyfriend that will last? Why can't I pick someone who's right for me? Why can't I find someone who can truely love me...All of me and not just the parts that they originally fell for. And what's it liked to be loved like that anyways? What's it like to love like that? Why can't I just find what I'm looking for...Or at least stop looking? Why don't wants just shrivel up and disappear? Why do they get bigger and more painful and kill you more and more by the minute? And why does all of this circle through my mind? Why is it always there...That little voice that keeps begging...Please love me. But no one can love it...Because I'm just such a fuckup. They tell me I'm beautiful...But I can't be. I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I stutter, I have random phobias...I'm a bad person...And no one can love me. I don't even want to try anymore...I don't know what God put me here as a sick and twisted joke...But I really don't get it. I don't want to fight, I don't want to cry, I just don't want any of this anymore...I'm so tired of hurting more which each breath...And each tear being less cleansing than the last.  Behold, the girl that no one can love.

Comments for this entry:

  1. jayjay2333 wrote at Feb 20, 2007 at 06:55 o\clock:Im so sorry for all the pain that you are feeling. I just loggeed on looking for someone who felt the way that i do right now and I think I have. Seeing this helps me to to feel a little less alone, and I hope this reply does that for you.

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