Random or Reason?
You know...I'm starting to wonder if there is any divine plan. Is there someone out there that laid out a plan special for me and decided all that was going to happen to me in my life? The lessons I was to learn, the people I was to meet, and the loves I was bound to suffer? It's hard to fathom. What lesson do I learn from any of this? What can I learn being some stupid 16 year old girl with depression, medication, and no hope for tomorrow? Sympathy...If I live long enough to find another soul who feels the way I do and they let me help them. I don't know where I'm gong...If anywhere. Is anythign out there meant to be? Or do I have to do everyhthing myself and there's nothing that's actually supossed to happen? When I was little...Everyone would tell me that everything happened for a reason...That God took the time to lay aside a plan for all his creatures...From the littlest ant all the way up to an elephant. They told me that he'd never let any of his children hurt too much...That he never gave them anything more than they could handle and he wanted them to be happy. I disproved that a long time ago. I'm not saying that I don't believe in a God...That's not true at all, I'm just starting to question whether I slipped through the cracks when it came to a divine plan. Nothing is happening...There's no way I can be anything I want to be. I can't be a writer, I can't be a mother, I can't be someone's one true love, I can't even be a fashion designer(my backup plan if writing didn't work out)...I can't be anything. Writing just isn't a fortee of mine, I have no fashion sense, no one could possiably love a beast and without someone to love the beast the beast can't spawn more beasts. If I can't be what I want...What am I supossed to be? Or am I supossed to be anything?
