I cry through my skin.

  You know what strikes me asfunny, in a twisted maschistic way, how permanant I think everything is when I'mgoing through it. I found my old hospital journal...And Iread it and it was talking about how much I loved Skye and how she was my one true love and all that special jazz. I look at it now in absolute shock, but I'm still close enough to it to remember how true it felt when I was there and in the moment. It's only funny because now I'm forced to wonder if this is the same type of situation...If all this depression and the pain is just a phase that seems permanant. I guess I shouldn't have gotten cross with Audrey for suggesting it was a phase, now that I myself am suggesting it. It just seemed more presumptious when she said it...Maybe just because she's not me and she really doesn't know what's going on in my life or in my head. Or maybe I'm just a bitch and I can't handle anyone being right. I just wish, if this is a phase, how do I get myself out of it? When do I outgrow it? It doesn't feel like a phase...But then again, phases really never do...Do they?
 Today, so far, has been another really down day. I slept til noon, which is never good, and since then I've been fighting back random tears. I'm just really down...And I don't know why. Maybe I'll look back on this in six months and feel like I'm intruding on someone's most intimate parts, as I did when I read my old journal, although with the way I've  been feeling...Six months may just be a lifetime.