Ow.
Maybe I can move on now, maybe I can finally let go of David and realize he never wanted me and he never will. He has a girlfriend now, did you know that? And you know what else I found out today? Hurt has a very specific taste...It's a sharp, saltly taste in the back of your throat that almost tastes like blood and makes your stomache turn a little. This is all Karma though. For what I did to Gustavo. I led him on like a bitch and then hurt him by trying to go out with David. I am a bitch. I need to die. I hate everything right now and feel like crying. I know I have no right to feel hurt...He hasn't talked to me in over a month. But, still, it feels like someone let the air out of my heart. I wasn't in love with him, I know I wasn't, I couldn't be...But I really liked him a lot. At least now I know, I mean erally and truely know, that I never had a chance in Hell with him. I really just want to give up on trying to date...I know it's a bad idea. I know people just don't like me enough to stick with me for very long...What's wrong with me? Why am I so unlikeable? Wait...Why am I even asking that? I KNOW why. Depressed girls don't get real love. Depressed girls get initial like...Then once the person really gets to know them...They get scared and stop liking them but won't tell Ms. Depressed because he's afraid she'll hurt herself. I FUCKING HATE MY FUCKING SELF!!! I should really just kill myself. I'd do it if there were no way in Hell I could be saved. I don't have a gun, I can't drink bleach because I'll just throw it up or someone will catch me at it...We already know how well cutting myself open works and I'm not sure if jumping from the highway bridge would do it. Maybe it would. And maybe I will. Not like anyone would care...I'm Ms. Depressed. I hate my sadness. I hate feeling so empty and hopeless all the time and crying all the time or wanting to cry and not being able to. I know, why don't I just get FUCKED UP tattooed to my forhead...That way, anyone who doesn't want to deal with excess drama can stay the heck away from me. I'm ready to cut...I don't have anything sharp. God fucking damnit. It bites not being 18...I want a fucking cigarette and something sharp to cut myself with! JESUS! Self destruction is obviously just too much to ask for.
