Not. Happy.
Today fucking sucked. I hate today. Turns out despite my concious effort to set my alarm, it didn't go off, so I woke up late...I had 20 minutes to get out of the house. Not an easy feat for me. I can pinpoint exactly when yesterday my throat started killing me and it's been going ever since...I hurt all night last night...I just kept crying because my body hurt and it's not like I can take anything. My body is fucking immuned to pain meds. I still hurt. My entire upper half is throbbing and I'm about ready to take a bat to my head just to make it stop. I don't know what's wrong with me...Why my body hurts all the time. It shouldn't...I know it shouldn't. I know that I shouldn't cry when I eat because it fucking hurts...It hurts to drink...It hurts to swallow my spit. I can't lay still because then the pains just that much more noticable...But if I keep moving then it gets worse until it's nearly blinding and I'm forced to sit still and let it rule me. It fucking hurts.
On top of that...I'm feeling stupid for getting back together with Jordan. Not because I don't want to be with him, but because I know it's never going to work. There's a lot of things that really bother me about him...Like the fact that he has porn on his ceiling and he wants me to go over to his house and stay the night. Gonna have sex with me while looking at the porn-stars? Great. He doesn't understand that if he intends to have a woman in his life...He'd better make her feel like the only woman in his life otherwise she's gonna get fed up and start looking for other men. I haven't reached the fed up point yet...But guys are starting to pay a lot of attention to me. Which is creepy. Some asshole at work actually had the audacity to touch my boob today. Not a worker, a customer. One I'd never seen before and so help me God if I ever see him again...I used to like the attention, now it just makes me feel disgusting. It makes me feel like a piece of meat...Something to be oggled at and admired and commented on.
My throat and head hurt so bad right now...And I have a cough. Which is worse because every time I cough, I do start crying. And it's embaressing. But it hurts...So bad. And I can't make the pain go away. Maybe I should go see a doctor...I'm too young for this shit.
