No Se.
I don't understand. Anything. I don't understand why a guy whom I was certain thought of as merely an aquaintance thinks of me as an object of desire...I don't understand why my cat won't come inside...I don't understand why it seriously feels like I'm dying. I don't understand anything. Please help. I don't understand why I don't feel better even after I smoked...Why I feel fatter even though my clothes tell me I'm losing weight...I don't understand why I keep fainting or just anything. And on top of everything else...My mother is a frickin' idiot. She goes and makes sure she's pretty much fired from her main job, then she quits her other job...All the while thinking she can get some better job. Doesn't she understand how this world works? If you don't know how to do anything..You can't do anything. She has no tolerence for people, can't type, doesn't understand business, isn't particularly pretty, and she doesn't even have anything to fall back on when times get harsh. Is that what a midlife crisis looks like? Throwing everything away because you don't want to do it anymore. I keep hoping that maybe things will get better...Maybe John will stop being a psychopath, maybe Mom will understand that she has to work for a living, maybe I'll stop being the source of everyone's fucking problems and maybe my sister will stop pointing it out. Everyon e tells me how irresponsable I am for not having a job...What sort of job could I get? I'm as useless as my mother. And I don't even have a highschool degree! Besides that...All my stupid phobias eliminate most jobs I could potentially get. I'm such a stupid invalid. I should go die. People always tell me...I'm pretty I'm special I'm unique...I'M NOT! I wish I were...I wish I could be what they want me to be...I wish I could be a well adjusted girl...I wish I came from a normal family...I wish I didn't have to worry about whether or not I can even live here anymore...Or whether my death would be a blessing in disguise because it would bring about more money. I wish I didn't have to think that I'm always doing the wrong thing...That everyone would be better off without me...But I do. I can't help but think how much more everyone would smile and laugh and
You need to do, always do, and you will get feedback that tells you if what you are doing is right or wrong for your situation. It's individual, waht works for one doesn't for another.
Nothing is personal so if the feedback is negative, just change the action, the feedback is the universe telling you beautifully to change your action, or to take action.
There is only the awareness of love and love's presence, and through this awareness of how insignificant you are you become aware of how perfect you are. Each one of us is the singular expression of who we are no matter what it will never, ever, ever be repeated in the whole history of time before and after.
We are all unique but we all come from the same place, built by the same blocks and yearn for the same things. Open yourself to the possibilities of expressing who you really are, and live like there is no tomorrow. Fear is the only thing that holds you back, and what is fear anyway? Just your own decisions about situations. There are no judgements, there is no right or wrong, unly the judgements WE attach to things and how things are. Things are exactly as they are in each moment, and the moment is all we have.
When you know you know nothing you will know you know everything and that everything only comes from love and we live in a beautiful world. The world is merely a place where we can give expression to this thing we call a body. And look how magnificent it is. It's provided, free, and all that is required is for us to participate in the dance of life.
And no one ever said that was always easy, but it can always be delightful.
Don't think, take action.
The Universe is beautiful and surrenders without judgement. the only judgements that can hurt us are those we hold about ourseleves and others. Other people's judgements cannot hurt you unless you agree with them. If you hold these judgements, take an action until you do not have to.