I cry through my skin.

Mood: Confused

 I'm so confused. Argh!!! Last night my dad had a really long talk with me...He kept telling me how much I have to offer...He told me that I'm beautiful and that I just can't see it. This doesn't compute!!! Why do people keep telling me I'm beautiful? I'm not. I try to see it, believe me I do, but I just can't. Every time I look in the mirror I can only see a hideous, obese monster! I can't even think. I'm really upset. A boy just proclaimed his love to me...Which I also don't understand. I don't understand, I don't understand, I don't understand!! I just need to stop and think. And I can't. My mind won't let me believe anything said me. My dad told me that before I can find the love that I so desperetly want....I need to love myself. But, I don't know how to love myself...I don't know how to love something that I've spent so many years hating...And I don't understand how people can't see what I do. How do people not see how fat, ugly, stupid, socially retarted, insensitive, nuerotic, pessemistic, and just all around horriable I am? Thing of it is...When I'm asked to find supporting evidence for these traits...I can't find any or the eviidence I do find is subjective. I don't know...I need to sit still and  think until I have this mess straightened out,.