My God...
Wel, last night was anything but uneventful. Ken and I ditched out on homecoming...I had serious anxiety attacks over the mass ammounts of people, the loud noises, strobe lights, and small spaces...It was not my cup of tea. I kind of wish I had stayed...You know? I love Homecoming...It's just nice to be there with your friends dancing and having fun...It helps me forget everything. I even felt almost pretty...Until I saw all the other girls that is...They looked amazing. They looked like mannequins that were suddenly granted life and decided to go to Homecoming just for the fun of it. I hate standing next to those beautiful girls with the tiny waists, big busts, and long pretty hair. I'm nothing compared to them...I hate that.
But that wasn't even the big thing that happened. Okay...So after Ken and I left the dance...We went to soem place and started to fool around a little...One thing led to another...Long story short...The condom fell completely off. Now there's a pregnancy scare. I really hope it's just paranoia. If I am...I know what I have to do. First off...I'd probably have to leave home and school...Just by default. Mom would kick me out and Dad wouldn't have me...And I'd have to dump Ken...Not because I don't love him or anything...But a baby would ruin one life...I don't want it to ruin someone else's too. I couldn't get an abortion...It's not like I'm against it or anything...But I just couldn't. Just the idea of killing something that trusts me with it's entire being...That's growing inside of me...I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I know I'm probably being just stupid...I'm probably not pregnant...I just can't help but wonder...What if I am? What will I do? I'm really scared...I know I shouldn't be a mom. I shouldn't have kids. I love kids...But I shouldn't have them. I'd fuck them up really badly. If I do have a baby...It's my mistake. I have a million choices...I could get an abortion, give it up for adoption, or I could keep it. I'd be stupid and keep it...Therefore it's my fault.
But that wasn't even the big thing that happened. Okay...So after Ken and I left the dance...We went to soem place and started to fool around a little...One thing led to another...Long story short...The condom fell completely off. Now there's a pregnancy scare. I really hope it's just paranoia. If I am...I know what I have to do. First off...I'd probably have to leave home and school...Just by default. Mom would kick me out and Dad wouldn't have me...And I'd have to dump Ken...Not because I don't love him or anything...But a baby would ruin one life...I don't want it to ruin someone else's too. I couldn't get an abortion...It's not like I'm against it or anything...But I just couldn't. Just the idea of killing something that trusts me with it's entire being...That's growing inside of me...I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I know I'm probably being just stupid...I'm probably not pregnant...I just can't help but wonder...What if I am? What will I do? I'm really scared...I know I shouldn't be a mom. I shouldn't have kids. I love kids...But I shouldn't have them. I'd fuck them up really badly. If I do have a baby...It's my mistake. I have a million choices...I could get an abortion, give it up for adoption, or I could keep it. I'd be stupid and keep it...Therefore it's my fault.
