I cry through my skin.

Aug 22, 2006 at 20:15 o\clock

More Tears That Aren't Worth Crying

by: CapturedMoonLight

Mood: Depressed, self injerous, lonely, uncertain

 You know...It really just hit me how much I've fucked everything up. I'm not going to highschool. I'm never going to get to go to prom...I know it's really stupid...But that's always been a far off dream of mine...I always wanted to go to my senior prom with a boyfriend/date whom I'm absolutely in love with and who loves me back and just be beautiful for one night and have fun. Now I'm not going to be able to. I know it's a stupid thing to be upset about...Lots of girls don't go to their proms...Lots of girls don't even get to go to Homecoming like I did. Its just....I've always wanted that. And now I can't have it.
 I don't know what's wrong with me lately...I don't hate life...Hate is an angry feeling...I just don't want it. I'm not angry, just sad...But it's more than sad...You know? I wish I knew where I was going with this...Everyone always tells me that as you get older you're going to get better...But that just doesn't seem true. I'm getting older and things aren't getting any better. Maybe it's the stupid medication they have me on...I don't know why they switched me...Or at least, I don't know why they switched me from Zoloft to Celexia. They are the same medication! It's just one is name brand and one isn't. DING DONG! Is anyone home? If Zoloft didn't work...And Celexia is practically the same...What makes you think Celexia is going to work in it's place? Honestly...The stupidity of the world shocks me sometimes(I include my own stupidity in that statement). I'm growing up fast...Unfortunatly...I'm not growing up well.

Comments for this entry:

  1. RockTheArts wrote at Aug 22, 2006 at 21:22 o\clock:Dude..I'm fucking allerfic to Celexia. And everyone else I've talked to says it doens't work. Have you tried Welbutren (sp?)?. I know everyone is different, but we tend to follow the same pattern, medication wise, and it's done a lot of me...not enough, exactly, but still...a LOT.
  2. Buttercup2 wrote at Aug 22, 2006 at 21:31 o\clock:Wellbutrin is the medication. You just need to watch the dosage as a friend of mine was on it and had constant dizzy spells whenever she stood up. It is also can cause you to lose weight. Each medication has its drawbacks as well as good points. There are some I just haven't been able to take at all. Celexa and Lexapro are in the same family and I can't take them at all. Right now I just eat a lot of honey, lol. Honey has natural seratonin so I eat some every day. I know I need it.
  3. Valarie wrote at Aug 23, 2006 at 05:55 o\clock:I wish you could see how beautiful your are from here. I know that sounds odd coming from someone who will never see your face or hold your hand or hug you in your time of need, but from reading your heart-felt typings I can see it, so you much be extermly beautiful if it shows this much in your typing. I wish I could do like everyone else and tell you things change, but everything changes. I just want you to know, you've got one far away stranger praying and rooting for your happiness.

    I wish I could hold you hand and help you through your muddy puddle feelings, because I've been depressed like you once (Only I didn't cut, I banged my head into walls to the point of almost passing out) But all I can say is this: I wish you happiness and roses sweetheart.

    Valarie <3

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