I cry through my skin.

Aug 16, 2006 at 02:12 o\clock

Life

by: CapturedMoonLight

 Okay, first off...I hate Blogigo 2.0...This is the most annoying thing. It's just like livejournal...Which if I wanted, I'd go rant there. Now, with that out of the way...I guess I'll go on with my entry.

 The school year is rapidly approaching, which breeds a lot of old drama. Mom just doesn't get it...She thinks that because I got a break from the people that if I go back everything is okay. She even said she doesn't think I'm sad anymore, that all my sadness just came from not eating and that I threw my thyroid out of whack. It's not my fucking eating!!!! My eating is because of the people...They'd hate me less if I were thin...Or maybe they'd just notice me less so they wouldn't think to make my life a Hell. No ond really gets that...No one seems to get anything about me and cutting. I don't even get it. I hate that I'm falling back into that. I know it brings nothing good, that in the long run it will just make things wose...But, I don't care. I want to go back to school...I want to prove to everyone that I'm worth something and that I'm not just a dumb dyke who cuts herself and then goes away to die in a corner. But, I know that I can't. If I go back there...I will kill myself. I just can't deal with all those people who constantly hammer me with their insults and their contempt. They know exactly what kills me and how to use it...And I can't handle it. I can't and I won't...No one understands that I don't want to be abused all the time.

Comments for this entry:

  1. Upchuckreviews wrote at Aug 20, 2006 at 02:05 o\clock:Hey in there come out of it. There's a beautiful you trapped inside. I read your blogs and am brought back to former days gone by. Cutting! thats outrageously stupid. Take it form a former self abuser. Call out to somone and get intervention. having sex with guys who are full of shit anyway is very dumb. Most guys who really want to be with a woman wouldn't go about it by trying to be intimate unti l a long time into the relationship. Kids are cruel theior egos are still developing so they try to prove they are greater than their peers by putting them down. Being big and fat is as stupid as stupid gets the mentality tha tbeing fat will keep people away is as old a lie as eve in the garden. Getting one on one counseling with a good therapist is what you need. Get intouch with the inner you that you are punishing for having feelings. There's a way out callon god he will assist you. I don't car eif you don't believe in him or not he's there. Hell is not your destiny if you believe that then your blind and devoid of the truth. I know inner pain I was raised in a foster home. they molested me too. I found my path at 25 and a way out of hell. I will pray your inner heart will not stay broken even shattered but the one who formed you in your mothers womb will come to you and bring you hope. God be with you.

Log in to comment:

Attention: many blogigo features are only available to registered users. Register now without any obligations and get your free weblog!