In Yo' Face
Today sucked...I missed time again today, I hurt my Dad's feelings, I fucked up the dessert for tomorrow, because I missed time I also missed a call from my friend whom I never hear from because she's in the looney bin, and I don't get to see Dad...Again. But you know what? Despite how fucked up and inexpirenced I am...I've got TWO job interviews! HA! I'd be working in K-Mart on the weekends in one...The other I'd be working probably upwards of 30 hours a week at Albertsons. And I turned in my application for a toystore in Old Town. I'll ace the interviews if it's the last thing I do...I want something to keep me busy...To keep my mind off of the fact that I'm still alive. If I have a job I won't have time for boyfriends or friends or a life...I'll just do my job, do my schoolwork, and get some sleep. I won't NEED any of the stuff I so desperetly want right now. I'll have my pets and thats all I'll need until I get New York. So, I won't have to deal with mom or John or Cassie as much...because I'll be too busy being a good employee and doing my job...And yeah...I'll be a mindless robot drone and I'll have no need for a brain and without a brain, I won't have depression! See, it all works out. I'll only need my brain when I'm with my babies...But they make me happy as it is. I just hope my MPD doesn't fuck it up...I'm not half as bad as I used to be...But still...This is the second time within a month that I've missed time...That's not good. I'm having a hard time quitting smoking...It's one of the easiest ways I know to just chill out and take a moment to seperate myself from my turmoil. I never really thought of myself as addicted...I can go without them for a while, and I do, but if I'm having a hard time giving them up...Then maybe I am? I guess it doesn't matter...I'm feeling pretty down right now so I'm just going to go to bed.
