Improvement?
You know what? I have finally found a reason to live. I've decided on something that I want to do with my life and can't do until a later date. I have to live so that I can get the Hell out of here. Once I turn 18, or if I play my cards right before that, I am leaving this Hellish city and I am going to move to New York, New York. Maybe it sounds like just a dream...But, it's not. That's a GOAL. I finally have a hard set goal....And I have to live so that I can complete it. I really don't expect anything good to happen between now and then...I'm just going to look at these next two years like I look at meals...I have to choke down the crap I don't like before I can get to what I really want. These next two years...Crap I don't like. They are probably going to be just as crappy as the past 15. However, I have something to live for...And I'm willing to work for it.
Although, something crappy did happen today. I now know what it looks like from an outsider's perspective when I lose all hope and wait for God to strike me down because it's obvious to me that no good can ever happen again. I witnessed such a sadness and desolution in my Dad today. That really snapped things into place for me. I really just want things to work out for him. He's been through a lot of shit and he needs things to work out. Ever since Grandpa died...THings have just been spiraling downward. Tomorrow will either make him or break him...Not like those silly hollywood things where you get a once in a lifetime opertunity blah blah blah...No. He needs to close a deal tomorrow...Or he's super screwed. More than anything else...I just want him to close the deal tomorrow. Please please please...Let him close the deal tomorrow. Actually, tomorrow is proving to be a rather eventful day. My best friend has her court case reviewed by a judge tomorrow. I wish her the best as well. Aye me, the drama that surrouds me. On the bright side, I'm getting a puppy!
