I cry through my skin.

 You know, normally my summers are great. Boring, but great. I spend the entire time hanging out with one person and we're super close for that one Summer...Then we're back to normal and so is life. This summer...I've been working, hanging out with my bosses, and I've been a fucking whore.

 Gustavo is out of the picture...Jordan was in. He was this pretty boy smooth talker...And I fucking fell in love with him in five days. Then it was uh, Kat, I can't see you anymore. I was really hurt about that...He told me he didn't and COULDN'T love me in the way I wanted. I hate that. No one seems to be able to love me in the way I want. It was right after we had sex too. I don't feel for him anymore...Just kind of numb and frightened every time he touches me.

 So, what's wrong with me? Why can't I just stay with one guy and be happy? Why can't I find one guy that will stay with me and be happy? Because I can't talk to guys. Not about real stuff at least...I can just play with them, toy with their minds, and then back off. I can't tell them I'm hurting, that I want to kill myself...No one wants to hear that anyways. No one cares enough to hear that. They just want me to be another pretty face in the crowd. I'm NOT okay?! I'm not another little girl, I'm not another teenage waste case, I'm not your typical girl. I am FUCKED UP. I'm so messed up that no one will ever be able to love me...Because I can't love me. Because my mom can't, dad can't, Gustavo can't, Jordan can't, no one can. I'm just me. They say they love me...But it's all pity. I want to cry, but I'm all out of tears right now. I just feel so tired...I want to sleep forever and have everything forgotten.