Hating life.
My heart hurts. My insides hurt. Everything hurts. I hurt. I don't see anything good right now...No reason to try, nothing to work towards...You know your life is fucked up when you don't even know what to pray for...When you don't know what you can hope for.
Jordan and I aren't going to last.
Last night we got into a big fight...Where basically he said I don't care about him and that I don't do anything for him. He doesn't understand that I do everything I can for him, I foresake all else to talk to him, I try to give him sound advice...When it's convient for him to see me I find a way to make it work...I'm not doing drugs...I don't hang out with anyone he doesn't want me to...What does he want from me? I send him pictures of myself when I don't want to, I let him do whatever the Hell he wants! And still...Still it's not good enough. Still I'm not good enough. Like always.
I'm a general failure at life.
I don't make enough money to help my family, to make my truck payment...I can't drive...Nothing. I am a failure in the absolute. I'm fat, I'm ugly, and I'm fucking retarded. I hate myself.
