Hate
Do you ever feel like punching something as hard as you can just over and over again? That's how I feel right now...And a lot lately actually. I don't know why I'm so angry. I just get absolutely livid over the littlest things. I dunno...I guess this is one thing that actually is normal for a teenager. Or maybe I get to be a stupid extreme case again. I hate myself so much...For everything. I hate myself for being angry, for wanting to break things...I hate myself for caring so much, for not caring enough. I hate myself for letting myself get hurt, for crying over the stupidest things. I just fucking hate myself. I got into a fight with Audrey today...Ironically over Ken. She's pissed because I 'Had the audacity to think that she was flirting with my boyfriend in front of me and that she thinks she's better than me.' No, I don't think that she thinks she's better than me...I know that she knows she's better than me. I don't care if she admitts it or not...She knows, and I guess that's all that matters. I dunno, I'm not feeling like much of a social creature lately. I'm feeling more like a hermit crab that got salted, lived, and now wants to destroy the salter. I guess this is because my birth controle is wearing off...Maybe the stress of school as well, the fact that I haven't felt well, I have nothing to do with my life because I quit my job, Audrey doesn't seem to want to go to New York(she 'needs driving more'), my love life is in shit pieces and I have nobody who I want to tell all this to. But, about New York...Yeah...Audrey says that if it comes down to a choice between getting her permit and going on a trip to New York this Summer she's going to choose her permit. She needs it more, she says. That's great for her, but if she wasn't going to stick with this fucking trip she shouldn't have said she wanted to way back when. I just want to fucking kill something. I fucking hate all of this!!! I hate my useless fucking life. I hate myself...I hate my mom...I hate my sister...I hate school...I hate everything!
