Mood: Doomed, depressed, lonely
I thought today was going to be good...I really did. I went to school content, and ready to make the day be good. Still, it turned out like crap. Most of the day was actually good...Until after school. After school things went to Hell. My friend, Audrey, and I are fellow anorexics, if we were less extreme about our eating habits, we'd be called diet buddies. Well, we decided we wanted to join a gym together, and we were going to go check it out today. Well, I mentioned it to my other friend, who invited herself along. I honestly didn't think much of it, but then Audrey got really upset and put out about it. It turned out to be this whole huge ordeal that I got caught in the middle of and that ruined the day. Then my friend started dissing my girlfriend, which I got kind of put out about and worried about. Then she started asking me all these weird questions, like if I thought she and I(my girlfriend and I, that is) were going to last, if I thought she was having an affair, if I trusted her, all this weird stuff that she KNOWS is going to worry me! She's know me since 7th grade, she knows I have problems with paranoia and trusting people hasn't been one of my strong suits in a really long time. When I asked her about it though, she got mad at me and was like "No, I don't know anything. I'm just asking, Jesus." I know it's stupid of me to be paranoid by a bunch of questions, but I can't help but worry. I don't want to lose Skye. I know it's a one in a billion chance of finding your one true love when you're a kid still, but I don't want to believe that it won't happen. I don't want to believe that she won't be the one for me someday and that we won't be together. I know it's juvenile, but I need SOMETHING. I mean, I love her. Honest to God, I do. Some people say I'm too young to know what love really is, well maybe I am. But what I'm feeling I can only classify as love. When or if the time comes that we break up, I'll deal with it. But right now, I just need to pretend that happily ever after is real and that I'm going to get one.
