Fly Away
You know, I had a really great day at school...And then I came home and everything falls apart.
Mom and Cassie had a huge blowup and I got to listen to all it.
Therapy sucked and made me want to cry.
And now Ken is moving away.
His mom called him and asked him to move out to New York with her and she'll pay for his schooling and everything. I know it's for the best...It's what he needs to get his life back on track. It just kind of sucks for me. Especially since I refuse to do the whole long distance thing again...He's both gunho about it and reluctant at the same time. He's going to do it...No doubt in my mind...I don't know why he's even bother making it seem like he's not going to. I want to cry about it...But...I can't. I want him to go...I want him to have a good life and go back to school and do whatever he chooses with the rest of his time...At the same time I don't. I'm stupid and selfish for it...Especially since there's a one in 100 billion chance that he's the one for me. But I really care for him a lot...I'm really in love with him. I guess I was right when I thought I shouldn't get close to him(or anyone) I know everyone is telling me to trust but trusting is really stupid. Every time I trust something happens. Not even just with him, with everyone. I trust therapy people and they tell my mom, I trust teachers and they put me in the hospital, I trust my parents and they punish me, I trust my friends and they tell everyone. I just can't trust. I can't get close either. Close enough to love, close enough to break into a million pieces. Not just romantic love either. I just need time to get used to it. He needs this...And if it's going to make things better...I'll embrace it with a unwavering smile.
Mom and Cassie had a huge blowup and I got to listen to all it.
Therapy sucked and made me want to cry.
And now Ken is moving away.
His mom called him and asked him to move out to New York with her and she'll pay for his schooling and everything. I know it's for the best...It's what he needs to get his life back on track. It just kind of sucks for me. Especially since I refuse to do the whole long distance thing again...He's both gunho about it and reluctant at the same time. He's going to do it...No doubt in my mind...I don't know why he's even bother making it seem like he's not going to. I want to cry about it...But...I can't. I want him to go...I want him to have a good life and go back to school and do whatever he chooses with the rest of his time...At the same time I don't. I'm stupid and selfish for it...Especially since there's a one in 100 billion chance that he's the one for me. But I really care for him a lot...I'm really in love with him. I guess I was right when I thought I shouldn't get close to him(or anyone) I know everyone is telling me to trust but trusting is really stupid. Every time I trust something happens. Not even just with him, with everyone. I trust therapy people and they tell my mom, I trust teachers and they put me in the hospital, I trust my parents and they punish me, I trust my friends and they tell everyone. I just can't trust. I can't get close either. Close enough to love, close enough to break into a million pieces. Not just romantic love either. I just need time to get used to it. He needs this...And if it's going to make things better...I'll embrace it with a unwavering smile.
It's ok to want him to stay sweety, that means that you care about him. Never regret loving someone.Regret not letting them know it. Tell him that you want him to be happy and do what's right for him. New York isn't as bad as you think-I live in NY and it's not all that bad, visiting wise.
Trusting anyone is hard because it means we have to open up a part of us that is so easily hurt but not quickly mended. But you must remember, no one is an island, we weren't ment to walk alone.
I'll walk with you sweety, even if only in spirit.
Best wishes and tons of roses,
Valarie