I cry through my skin.

 I'm not okay....Shit. I know this feeling...It's back. It's back. I just feel so desolute. I saw Skye today...Well, she wasn't Skye...She was Justine. I could just feel her hate...She told me I looked good, but it was just a friendly lie because she obviously couldn't avoid me in the hall. Going to Junior year orientation...I hated it. I just stood on the sidelines and felt a million lightyears away. I couldn't talk to anyone there...It was like we weren't even the same species. I came home and wanted to cry...I didn't....I couldn't. My eyes wouldn't let me. I want to cut...I just keep staring at my wrists and daring myself to do it. They tell me it isn't the answer...That this is stupid...That I'll get through this...But I just don't see it! I don't see ever getting better, ever feeling better...I don't see anything ever being okay. I'm always going to be this stupid broken person. I just want to know what it's like to be normal...To be happy for real...And not have to fake. For a while I was almost okay...I wasn't as bad with my cutting and I wasn't thinking about killing myself...But now I am. And I don't know why. Logically I know, I have a lot going on for me right now. I have a great boyfriend, I'm going to get started in school again, I'm just about to turn 16...What's missing? Why aren't I happy? I have everything I ever wanted! I even have the love that I was so desperately searching for...And I feel better when I'm with him...At least I'm not really thinking about killing myself or cutting..What's missing? I just feel sad and not really alone...Just isolated. Like no one gets it...You know? I hate to play the role of the stupid misunderstood teenage girl...But I am the stupid misunderstood teenage girl. I hate myself for that...I should just go die now.