Doesn't matter.
When does life become real? I'm waiting here...And it feels like nothing is real. The only thing that's real is the pain. The pain and the loneliness. I just want someone there...Someone who's real. Not necessarily a lover...Just someone who can reach through this thick glass wall that seperates me from the rest of the world. What makes me so different from them? Is it the cutting? The eating disorder? The depression? My family? WHAT? I just want to stop feeling like this. I've done everything they've asked me to...And I'm not getting any better. It doesn't seem worth it to wait it out...They tell me...It's going to get better. FUCKING BULLSHIT! If it was going to get better...Would it have? Or wouldn't there be at least an improvement? If anything...I've gotten worse. Just better at hiding it. Congratulations...All the money spent on therapy, on hospitalization, all the hours of watching me, the stress of wondering if I'm okay...All of that has ammounted to me becoming a better actress and getting worse all the time.
