Mood: Depressed
You know, I was doing alright for the majority of the day...Then all of the sudden, out of nowhere, WHAMO! Killer depression hit me hard. I really do wonder what's the matter with me...No one else seems to have the same feelngs as I do. I can be surrounded by people...But still feel like there is absolutely no one near. I guess I'm just crazy to have all these feelings...I'm 15 years old!! How can I feel like this already?! How can I feel like every breath I take is another mistake and that the world really would be better off if I died? I'm not supossed to feel like this...I'm supossed to be happy and giggly and be living it up...These are supossedly the best years of my life! Highschool is supossed to be the best time you'll ever have...The peak of everything. If that's true...I'm killing myself graudation night. If I've peaked my happiness already, life is NOT worth living. I can't imagine feeling much worse than this...Let alone on a day to day basis! It would be unbearable...I'm not very good at describing depression...But here's an attempt to show you how I feel on a daily basis...Darkness devours everything. It allows no light, no love, no happiness to penetrate and there is nothing in my world but hate, dispair, devestation, and resignation to the deepest circle of Hell. Maybe this is Hell. Have you ever thought of that? Maybe life is Hell...And Hell is really what life is like. Maybe everyone is being punished except for the early deaths and the suicide people. Wow that's a depressing though. But, what if it's true? It seems logical enough for my case...I already died and now I'm being punished through what we think is life but it's really the after-life and ghosts are really people but people are really ghosts... Kind of a backwards land. That's an interesting thought to ponder over. I could already be dead. Maybe I should go be born then.
I disagree that highschool is the best time you\'ll ever have! I\'m 23, I enjoy life more now than I ever did at school, I couldn\'t wait to get out of the place (I hated it!)! I thought the same thing though, \"if school is the best time I\'ll ever have, will life suck after that?\". In my opinion and experience, no! I wouldn\'t say you\'ve peaked your happiness just yet, hang in there, and things wil eventually get better.
things changed for me when i turned 28 - i had this feeling of hope that i finally had a chance of getting my shit together. you are definitely not at your peak yet! hang in there!