Blarg
I saw one of my childhood friends at the store today...She got knocked up and had a little baby boy. He was the most adorable thing and had the most gorgeous green eyes...I mean, wow. And just the way he smiled at me when I talked to him, completely melted my heart. Seeing her with him though...It just put me a little more at ease. If I am pregnant, I'd be right about the same age she was when she got pregnant. I mean, she seems to be able to handle it okay and she's even on her own and she had to drop out of highschool too. She didn't even have a boyfriend when she got pregnant. So, maybe I'd be okay...I wouldn't expect Ken to stick around through it...But, he'd probably be there through part of it. Although, I'm more and more convinced that I'm not at all. You know why? Because I'm sick. My stomache's been hurting me insanely and I've been throwing up a lot...Therefore anything that happens to me is purely hypocondriatic. So ha! I'm not pregnant! I dunno...I'm having a shit day and I'm trying to find something...Anything...To keep me from going back into that nreally depressed state of the other day... That's probably what's bugging my stomache anyways. That or the new vitamins Mom's got me on. And Ryan kind of put me in a downer mood...She told me that I was the worst case of depression she's ever encountered and that my self esteeme is worse than hers. I don't think my depression is that bad...Or that my self esteeme is that bad either...I'm realistic about my looks and who I am...I know I'm a bad person for all the shit I do, and that I'm even worse in appearances. Today just hasn't been a good day.
