I cry through my skin.

Mood: Depressed, useless, lonely

 I guess if I take all emotion out of it, today has been a good day. I got to hang out with Ken for a couple of hours, Dad's home and I got to see him, and my pants that I bought two weeks ago that fit perfectly are now too big. However, emotion ruined it. I think Ken's getting bored with me...I'm not sure why I think that, it's just a sneaking suspicion. Dad's in a cranky mood and he and Lena are kind of on the rocks right now and I still feel like a huge lard-ass. Damn emotion. If I weren't so stupidly depressed I'd be very happy with my day. I cut a little today...It's not bad...I don't think it even broke the skin...I'm too much of a chicken to kill myself. I shouldn't be thinking like this...I should be happy...My birthday is next week...I'll finally be sixteen...I'm going to have a killer party...So why don't I feel like even going? Sixteen doesn't seem as exciting and wonderful as it used to...But I never thought I'd be where I am when I turned this age. I always thought I'd be something more...Something better. I thought I'd be perfect...Like I've always wanted. I thought I'd get along with my family, thought I'd be in school at the very least...I thought I'd be somewhere. But, instead I'm here. I'm a nobody...A nobody with an eating disorder and a habit of cutting. I'm worse than a nobody...I'm a fuckup. Where'd I go wrong? And more importantly...How can I fix it?