Mood: Super depressed.
Sorry I didn't write yesterday...I couldn't. I didn't do anything yesterday...I couldn't even talk to Skye on the phone...I gave her the brushoff, which is very unlike me. I guess I'm better today...Compared to yesterday at least. I got up and did things...I baked for my mum, made dinner, ran errands, even managed a smile or two. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I've been so down lately that I haven't done anything. I could barely leave my room...So, I guess it's a posative sign. Tomorrow is Christmas eve!!!! Yay! My mum's side of the family(the side I live with) celebrates on Christmas eve...My dad's celebrates Christmas day. I get two Christmases(?) this year. Wooo! I talked to Skye for more than 30 seconds today as well...9 minutes 40 seconds. Truth be told, I really didn't want to talk on the phone...It wasn't personal, I love Skye, but despite all the things I've gotten back to doing...Talking doesn't happen to be one of them. Not that talking requires much thought, everyone requires the same generic responses to the same generic statements. Conversation is a joke really, nothing is said but words are still uttered. My take on it is, why say anything if you have nothing to say? I guess it makes people feel closer to eachother if they can say the same things over and over and they still feel like the other person is listening and responding with new words each time. That's probably why I don't have very many friends...I don't like to talk unless there is something real to talk about. I know it's terriable of me to hate talking to people...Especially someone so close and dear to me. But, I really can't make myself do it right now...I'm just trying to find a way around this paralyzing depression. If I can make myself get out of bed and get dressed, it's consideered an accomplishment right now. I always get this way over vacations...Depression devours me because my idle mind breeds more dark feelings and thoughts. I'd like to try volunteer work to see if it helps, but I can't get around town and my mum doesn't like me to go out very much. Well, I guess I'll just take small steps towards normal depressed me instead of super depressed me. Hopefully by the time school rolls around I'll be able to get out of bed without fighting with myself about it.
