I cry through my skin.

 What am I doing? Seriously. I don't know why I'm doing the stuff I'm doing anymore...I ignore my schoolwork, avoid being with people...I don't really want to do anything anymore. I went out to a party last night...It wasn't a serious one or anything...THere wasn't any drinking or drugs or anything(there was supossed to be, but no one brought anything) but it just probably wasn't a good idea...It was just Audrey, me, and a bunch of guys I didn't know...We all sat around in the park playing instruments, lighting fires, and just chilling out not really doing anything. It wasn't like I did anything...I'm just not so sure it was a good idea. I don't think half the things I do anymore are good ideas. So why do I do them? I'm trying to have fun...But I'm trying to grow up at the same time...I can't do both. I can either have fun or I can grow up...Nethier make me happy though. I'm just trying to figure out what I need to do so I can belong somewhere...But I really don't. I don't belong anywhere...Am I just that type of girl? The one who's always doomed to be outcasted for one or another reason? It's not even that I'm outcasted persay...It's just like...I'm in a room full of people...But I might as well be all by myself.
 I'm just feeling really down. Maybe I'm getting ready for that special time of the month...I don't know. I just don't really want to do anything or be with anyone right now...I just want to read a book and be lost for hours.