I'm not quite yet 18...And I've fucking grown up. I know I'll never go to New York, or be a famous writer, I know there's no such thing as forever and that nobody gives a fuck except for me if even that. I know nobody cares if I'm happy, I know my tears don't mean a thing to anyone. I graduated highschool early, I got my DIPLOMIA, not some stupid fucking GED or anything like that. I have a job and even if I don't want to I fucking deal with my finicial responsibilities.
Oh? I'm fucking broke...Guess I won't eat. I gotta pay my phone bill. Guess I won't go anywhere either. Guess I won't get cigarettes, I guess I'm walking across fucking town or begging a ride. I guess I'm not going out to do anything, I guess I'm not really DOING anything period. I guess I won't get anything I want...I'll just pay the phone bill and hope to God that something happens so that I can have money for fucking food or the bus.
No matter how much I work at a job that makes me fucking miserable...Not unhappy MISERABLE. iT MAKES ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF. i HATE STEPPING FOOT INTO that fucking place. I hate looking at it or hearing about it. I hate shopping there. I hate everything about it. But I go. I do my shift, I do my work. I smile, I act like I'm happy to be there because that's my fucking job. I let customers yell at me for shit that isn't my fault. I let the bosses yell at me. I let everyone fucking yell and vent until I feel like I am worth absolutely nothing and am contemplating killing myself with my fucking work knife in the bathroom...And I still don't make enough fucking money to make ends meet. I'm SEVENTEEN! I shouldn't have to be fucking worrying about this bullshit. This is fucking bullshit. Why do I have to buy my own food? Why do I have to buy my own clothes? Why do I always have to get myself from point A to point B and be expected be on time? You want me to be a fucking adult...And yet you treat me like a child.
I can't buy books to read, I can't go out with my friends, I can't even afford to pay my own way with my boyfriend and I despise any type of charity. I've faced the cold reality of a world that really doesn't give a fuck...And now you're making me live in it but by your rules. That's no fucking fair. I either get to be a kid or an adult...If I'm a kid YOU pay for my shit...If I'm an adult, I pay but I get to have my own rules.