Stupid Bitch I am.
I want to fucking die.
I cheated on Jordan last night...I slept with a friend of mine. I feel so stupid and dirty...I told him...I was always going to tell him but I wanted to make sure that he heard it from me first instead of everyone else. I can't believe I did that...I was so drunk...I don't know how it happened...I really don't. One second I was on the couch drinking a screw driver...Then I was kissing him and then...Yeah.
The fucked up thing is...The people who know...Hate only me. They don't hate the other females in the poolhouse even they repeatedly cheat on their boyfriends and they fucking lie about it. I could destroy so many lives and so many hearts with just a couple of text messages...I could make them be in the same world of hate and hurt that I am. Except that they wouldn't care as much as I do. They can't tell their boyfriends because they're afraid of losing them. I told Jordan because I love him, because he deserves so much better than me...Because I want him to have the absolute best no matter what it does to me.
I hate myself so fucking much for this. I can't look in the mirror, I woke up and I just started crying because I realized what had happened. I just want to fucking kill myself because I fucking deserve to die. I feel like the worst person in the world. What's worse is...Jordan didn't get mad at me. He started crying...And he told me that he still wanted to be with me. He told me that he doesn't trust me anymore...But he still wants to be with me and that he went to go get a tattoo with his half of his half of our saying...Love is Forever. The whole thing is This is love and love is forever. I've fucked up so huge...And I don't know if we used protection or if I'm pregnant or if he's clean or what...We're friends...Good friends even, but we don't talk to eachother about the sexual parts of our life and I never thought of him like that.
I am an evil, stupid whore.
