I cry through my skin.

 I just got smacked in the face by depression. Really hard.

 I want to cry now. But it's the time of depressed where the tears just sting your eyes but won't let you cry them.

 I just realized what a fucked up hole my life is.

 I have no money.

 I have no friends.

 I might as well not have a boyfriend.

 And I'm a fat, lazy, bitch.

 If I had money...I'd be on drugs right now. I wish I hadn't come home...I wish I'd stayed at Annie's and chilled there and then I wouldn't be thinking because I'd be with Annie and I rarely think when I'm with her.

 GOD DAMNIT!

 Where did all this come from? I just want to die right now. Everything feels so pointless and stupid...And I don't know why....

 Jordan and I can now begin communicating via the telephone and letters. Woot. He called Mario today and I asked to answer the phone...I didn't recognize the number so I didn't do my usual 'Mario's house of heirums, this is ____ speaking, would you like to rent a whore?" And the voice on the other end was like "Is this Kat?"

 O.O FREAKY RANDOM VOICE FROM A DIFFERENT AREA CODE KNOWS MY NAME!!! WTF?!?!

 "Yes, this is Kat...Who's this?"

 "This is God who do you think it is?"

 "I don't know!"

 "Jordan."

 "Jordan?!"

 And then we talked...For a long time. About mostly nothing. But God...I heard his voice...And I actually asked him if he still loved me. To which he said of course I do. Everyone saw it when I went back in there...How much happier I was. It's amazing that he still has that power over me...Even though we haven't seen eachother in forever.

 It's such a relief to know he still loves me...You have no clue.