Nobody fucking understands! Nobody! I don't have any fucking friends...I don't have anybody I can talk to...Nothing. I'm fucking alone and everyone wants me to be more alone. Nobody gives a flying fuck about me and those who do only do because they don't fucking know me. I just want to fucking kill myself and have this over with! I want to fucking dig a razor deep into my skin and drag it down until I don't fucking feel anything. I want to choke on my fucking blood and die. And I hope I do. I hope I got some terrible STD that will kill me. I hope I have AIDS or something...I hope I fucking have something that would give me an excuse to fucking kill myself so that I wouldn't have to go through this stupid bullshit anymore. Because if I kill myself now...Jordan is saying he'll have Chris killed. This shit has gotten way out of hand.
I almost got jumped yesterday by a bunch of people. My best guy friend, Nick, is now my bodyguard and requires me to carry a knife on my person at all times. I'm not allowed to walk anywhere alone because everyone is so fucking worried that I'm going to get really fucked up over this stupid bullshit. And you know what the scary thing is? THEY'RE RIGHT! And tomorrow...I will be walking home alone. Because my friend has school and I'm not going to be pulling him away from his education because of stupid bullshit that I caused. This is all my fucking fault. I'm so fucking stupid. And I'm going fucking crazy!!!!!
I WANT TO FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't stop thinking about it. I want to scream it...And then I want to go through with it. Doesn't anybody understand that? Does anybody fucking understand how much shit I keep inside here? I can't do anything right now. I can't even study for my permit test because that's how upset I am. I can't fucking take it. I can't. I just need to go away and go die. That's what I really need right now.