I cry through my skin.

Dec 29, 2007 at 05:18 o\clock

Falling on my Face.

  For what a cold hearted bitch everyone tells me I am, I cry a lot. I feel too much. I keep a smile in place because that's what they fucking want from me. That's what they've told me to be. And then when they reach out and hit me one too many times, they're shocked that I still cry...That I still bleed...That I still fucking feel. 

  What the Hell did he expect when he showed me that? Did he expect me to be happy? Did he want me to say wow, that's cool. IT'S HIS FUCKING EX GIRLFRIEND EMAILING HIM! Not only that, he wouldn't tell me. He told me it didn't matter who it was. He told me that it was irrelevant. No it's not. It's completely relevant...At least to me. He knows that I get scared...He knows that I don't like her not because of who she is but because of the power she had over him. The power she could still have over him.

 I don't want him to keep secrets...But I don't want to hear about that. I don't want any of this. I want a guy that will fucking love ME. One that doesn't have a huge, secrative past that keeps him up crying at night...I want a guy that can make love to me and think about only me while he's doing it. I want a guy that can be mine...That I don't have to worry about him being taken away. And the problem is, I love the guy that is everything I never wanted.