Jul 31, 2006 at 06:02 o\clock
Jul 26, 2006 at 00:29 o\clock
Jul 25, 2006 at 03:22 o\clock
Jul 24, 2006 at 02:12 o\clock
Jul 22, 2006 at 07:25 o\clock
Jul 19, 2006 at 08:38 o\clock
Mood: Anxious, depressed, unloved
Jul 18, 2006 at 03:04 o\clock
Jul 17, 2006 at 22:33 o\clock
Jul 17, 2006 at 20:35 o\clock
Mood: Amused, sick(physically), empty
Jul 16, 2006 at 21:49 o\clock
Mood: Depressed, pissed, emo, selfinnerous
Well, yeah...I didn't die or anything. I've just been going thorugh my own shit and not wanting to share it with anyone. My Aunt is going downhill...Yay, more cancerous family members. I hate my life still..More yay. But, I don't really care about anything anymore. And you know what? I don't care what people think about me. Nobody gives a rat's ass. They all see me however they want to. One of my friends hates me because I'm a liar and I treat her like shit(Don't talk to her...Going through my own shit...Can't deal with drama), someone is writing shit on myspace again(whatever...If they can't say it to me...They should go die.), my mum is just ignoring me as always...And I guess my best friend cares...But she's too far away during the week to be of any real comfort. So, yeah. People can just go away and leave me alone. There was a time when all this hate would have hurt me...But, now it really doesn't. Now I'm just dealing with the prospect of losing another family member, trying to stop cutting(Which is going well...I haven't in a while...But it's been replaced by something else.) going crazy with the whole 'eating disorder' crap...I don't have an eating disorder...I'm a fat ugly pig and I need to lose weight, and then of course that whole debate on whether I should live or die. You know, a lot of people wonder how I can deal with that debate...They say they never think about it...But, that's not true. You have to make ad ecision to live. You have to eat, drink, and then to actually live a life you have to put yourself out there and do something...And you decide to do all that. It's the same with dying...Although, aI'm not saying you can controle that completely...But, you have a degree of choice on whether or not you die. So, everyone deals with the debate...It's just most people don't think of dying as a choice. It's always a choice...A crappy one, a chicken-shit one, but a choice. And I'm just more and more tempted to take it.
Now I'm going to talk about last night. It sucked. I went with Audrey to go see this guy I like(Thomas) and hang out with him and some of his friends. So, we went...And it was just weird. I was in a bad mood(finding out about my Aunt's new chance of death and babysitting for hours on end after about 2 hours of sleep don't make for a bright sunshiney Kat), and Thomas was too...So, yeah, that just wasn't fun. Although Audrey had fun, so that's good. And today is my isolation emo day...Which is going to soon be interupted because Audrey's going to come over and try to persaude me to go into the outside world. I'm rambeling. So what. This is my webblog...I'm going to be selfish again...That's what myspace says I am. Doesn't matter.