Mood: Alone, unloved
Listening to: Yelling and dishes breaking.
Sometimes I wonder if people can see through the shallow act I put on. I wonder if they can tell that I'm not really this light hearted girl without issues. Nobody ever notices when I'm sad...The only time anyone notices I'm anything is when I'm p/oed and I tell them to back off. Everyone around me is yelling again...Mum is yelling at me because I'm the only one who she thinks is mentally stable enough to take it. Robbie is yelling...Cassie is yelling...They're all yelling and screaming and saying horriable things. I often wonder what would happen if I didn't step in and keep them from physically killing eachother. I've toyed with the idea of leaving...Just up and walking off...No one would notice. It's not like they notice me anyways...Unless they think I've done something wrong. Unless they want to yell at me. They don't notice the good things I do, they don't notice when I'm sad or when I just really need someone there for me. I try so hard for them...I wish that I'd been born into a normal family. A family with a mom, a dad, and maybe a brother or sister. Instead I've got a woman who never really grew up, an alcoholic who married the woman who never grew up because he thought he was in love, and I'm one of 7. I haven't heard from my Dad in over a month...He called me on the 18th of last month to tell me he forgot my birthday and he wanted to make it up to me. Great way to make it up Dad! I guess it's for the best though, I don't think I could handle him rejecting me for my homosexuality right now. I'm in a bad mood now...I want to cut. I can't though, it's bad. I promised I wouldn't. Every scar on my body...Is from them. They haven't layed a hand on me in years...But, the scars are from the pain they've put me through. The times they've called me hurtful names, the times they ignored me simply because I didn't scream and demand attention. It's all from them. Sorry, I wish I was happier and I could fake happiness for this bloggy thing too. But, I'm supossed to write how I really feel...And I feel like hit with an S and they don't care about me...No one does.
