Mood: Confused and bewilddered
Listening to: Fimbles on TV!!
My husband started taking steroids last summer, he was injecting loads of different types, stacking them over days not weeks. I didn't realise how much he was doin.
Obviously he changed, turned into a selfish, arragant volatile person. Never hit me, it wasn't like that. I tried to tell him but he said I was making it all up. It was hell. He said he'd stopped but he hadn't. We'd been so in love, everyone thought we were the perfect couple. Got on like best friends, loved each others company, did everything together. Had a beautiful 2yr old son, good jobs, beautiful home etc. Really felt like we were gonna be together for ever. How wrong I was.
At the same time he took steroids, a new female started on his team. Nobody liked her, she was having a hard time. He took her under his wing. Thats the sort of person he was, always looking out for people. But I became suspicious after a series of events. Had loads of evidence to say something was going on, from Sept. We split up. He treated me like shit. Said he didn't know if this was what he wanted anymore. I can't put into words how it devastated me. He lied and lied saying there was nothing going on. Evenyually, in January, we got back together. He changed his job so he didn't have to work with her. He'd stopped taking the steroids and said they had screwed him up, he lost himself. Still maintained there had been nothing going on with her.
Things were strained, in the back of my mind I had a seed of doubt, though I never brought it up. I did actually beleive him, he was such an honest person.
Then, in July we split. Too much hurt had gone on, he wasn't his self and I knew something was wrong. One week later who should turn up at my door? She did. Drunk at 3am on a Saturdau mornin. Wanted to tell me the truth. I wanted to hear it. They had had an affair from Oct to Dec last year. She thought I 'deserved' to know the truth. He denied it at first then admitted to it. I filed for divorce. My world caved in, I'm losing my husband, my home (I can't afford it on my own and its up for sale) and I've had to cut my hours right down at work so I'm in a financial hell as well as everything else.
I went out, got pissed as you do. Even when we split last year I never went with anyone, not even a kiss. I still hoped we would get back together. God, I could have done tons of times, but I didn't. When we split up this time I was sure that was it. How could things ever be the same? He was making no effort to fight for me. Nothing. Then I met someone two weeks after we split. It's not often I see someone who I think is really gorgeous, but I did then, he's friend of a friend. Proper eye candy and sound, funny, really can't fault him. He's only 22 (oh mu God) and I'm 32 so I was chuffed he fancied me! Ha ha! Lifeted my spirits cos when I say he's fit I mean fit, woman magnet! Went out with him in a group for next few weeks, still didn't kiss him (!) and he didn't push. Then he sent me 12 red roses on my birthday. So, then my husband hears I am seein someone, even though I wasn't really, kind of, he sent me a text sayin he never really wanted me back anyway and good luck to my new man. I was livid, like it was all just a sham, he'd strung me along all this time since January and caused me heartbreak all over again. I'd been hangin on for him to fight for me. Next minute he's tellin me he's still in love with me, wants to be with me.
Last night I went out for tea with husband and son, for first time since we split. It was meant to be to talk, to try and resolve some form of friendship/tolerance. Then he told me he had to leave early, he had a date!! Has been on a few. I died inside, pretended I was ok with it, but when he dropped me off I lost it, had a huge row, but he kept saying yeh, but how can you go mad, you've got another man, you're divorcing me.