Beefy Or Peachy

Well my son studied all weekend as he had to in order to try and pass 3 tests today for certifications with this company that does testing at power plants. He had to read 3 books in 2 days and by last night his brains were fried so we all took a break and watched Spiderman 3. Oh my gosh was that movie a disappointment. It might fly with young kids, but that would be about all. Too many loopholes left unexplained. Too many villains in one movie and not all well develpoped. They tried to have Spidey be too many kinds of character and he fell flat on his face in a few of them. None of us came away with a feeling of a good way to spend almost 3 hours of our time!

Yesterday hubby and my son cleaned out our old car and cleaned it up for my son as he is a big neat freak, worse then me if that is possible, lmao here! Poor hubby with the two of us in the same house with a 'do it now' attitude, hahhahahaah.

Well today it is too quiet here with both of them gone to work today. It is so lovely to have someone else here to share the day with :). If my son doesn't get this job then he will get back into the aerospace industry I guess. His last few years he has been welding back east and making an above average income doing it so he has a few options open to him. Pinch me as I still can't believe he and his family are really moving back here!!!! I must be in heaven as I have missed them so.

Well off for now folks, but will be back later sometime.... HugZZZZZ,

Aly

Well we made the trip to Tucson yesterday to look at a used Mercury that we saw online thru a referral my niece and sister gave us at Jim Click Ford. Ray and Marsha made the entire process a dream instead of a nightmare to purchase this car we so sorely needed. It is white with a light gray interior, a Grand Marquis so it drives beautifully and is so comfortable!!! It is a 2002 but with only 39,000 miles on it as a 79 and 80 yo couple owned it previously and hardly drove it. The interior looks like no one ever sat in it and the exterior is perfect except for one little ding on the back fender which can be easily repaired. We are both so happy to have a comfortable and dependable car again.

This transaction allows us to sign over our old car to my son to get around with just until he works a month or two on his new job out here so he can get a newer vehicle so this will all work out wonderful. Him being here also feels like a dream come true. His wife and daughter plan to be here by August 1st they miss him so much already! He is quite comfy in our guest room with his own computer, phone and CD player and his own bathroom. He is great with helping the house picked up so no worries there. He is a bit eccentric about his house being tidy so I know I'll have plenty of help while he is here.

Next week I see the gallbladder surgeon and will see when I can get that scheduled and over with. My doctor feels that is why my cholesterol and lymphocytes are elevated and it needs to be removed. I will do my best to get it done soon.

So today has been all about getting the insurance straightened out and information faxed back and forth. We also just switched to Cox Digital service so all of that has to be set up as well today. I'm worn out thinking about it all, lol.

Have a good day folks,
Aly

Well we picked up my son yesterday morning after his flight in from CT and he looks wonderful. We couldn't be happier :)

He is going to his prospective employer tomorrow to fill out all the paperwork and get the process rolling. Today we are taking a trip to Tucson to go look at a great looking used car for hubby and I. I sure hope it works out as we need to give Mark our car temporarily until he can pick one up.

I woke up feeling green and kind of nauseous but it seems to be passing some. I got some very disturbing news yesterday from the results of my blood work. My cholesterol has shot up to 371 and I can't take statins, and my lymphocytes *sp?* are elevated so I have to go see a hematologist now on top of everything else. I could just sit here and cry for hours... I have had it with my body. I so want to feel well.

Well off for now. Take care all,
Aly

Mood: Happy

Well yesterday we spent the day running errands largely for our friend Darleen who hasn't been out of the hospital very long. We also stopped for lunch at CoCo's and hubby and I had salads and he had a bowl of soup, oh yeah, lol. We did some grocery shopping at Walmart and finally got home last night around 6 pm.

We spoke to my son yesterday and found he won't have to go to the job site in Springerville immediately but he will have some study time here to do before being flown to California for certification. He use to work for this company years ago before they moved back to Connecticut where his wife's family lives. We all use to live there but Mark has always preferred to live in AZ. I hope this works out for them as this job pays extremely well and I doubt if his wife will have to work again.

So today we are getting the guest room and bathroom ready for him and also setting up my computer in that room for him to use. Since we changed rooms it hasn't been up and running and I'm sure he'll need one for some of the things he needs to accomplish. We are SOOOOOoooo excited about them moving back out here as of course little Haley will be closer and she can get to know us a bit better :).

Well since I won't up with my back and knees and fibro all flared up I am on ice and had my morning protein drink with a small amount of fruit and had to take half a pain pill to see if I can get up and moving without too much pain. All this bedrest for my knee has really played havoc with my fibromyalgia. I do so wish I was in better shape with him arriving in a few days. I don't think he realizes how bad off I have been since late last fall. I am trying to walk some without the crutches to regain some strenth in my mucles and praying it works!

Enjoy your day folks!
Aly

We received a call from my son M late last night that he has been offered a job back out here in AZ and its just too good to refuse. Only snag is getting a vehicle road ready to make the trip as his wife needs the other car for she and their little girl to get around with until they can make the trip out here. The work project is for 2 1/2 years and its located less then 2 hours from here in a lovely area and cooler and more laid back then Phx so that will make them happy. Mark loves it out here, well they both did but hated all the traffic. Where he will be working will get them out of all that and he will make enough money to get them straightened out of any financial binds they have been in! Wahoo. I pray he gets the other car running and gets on the road so he doesn't miss out on this offer. This is a dream come true for him so I am praying this is his chance to get the job back that he loved!! What a good news day it was for us yesterday.

I have not forgotten about my friend who is about to have her lap band surgery and I am praying all will go smoothly for her. We have been friends since childhood. I also cannot forget my throbbing knee as it won't let me forget it and will try to gather more information about all that is involved with a knee replacement (ugh). I will be grateful to be rid of this pain however as it is a crippling pain.

Later all,
Aly

Well I received an email from my niece saying she would like to spend the day with us tomorrow and at first I didn't know what to say. I let her know our state of affairs and asked if I could get back with her after I spoke to hubby at lunch. She wrote back and said she didn't care about the house and that she would help clean and do the laundry and cook dinner for us tomorrow. How sweet could she be? I called her and she said until I get whatever surgery needs to be done and I'm back on my feet again that she is going to come over once a week and help clean the house! I was not expecting to hear that and was so touched I was about in tears. She and I have always been close but haven't seen as much of each other in the last few years so I was surprised at such a generous and sweet offer.

I'm sure hubby will be pleased and relieved also as he has been pretty well tested at home and at work. Well I managed to get a few small things done but now I am paying for it so I am resting and took my pain medication. I will be so glad when hubby gets home! I miss him so.

Peace folks,

Aly

Well my aunt is here until next Tuesday and I don't know how I will manage without her. I realize how empty my life is when she isn't here. I am alone so much during the day and when hubby gets home at night he often wants to unwind in front of the tv or computer. I am sure this is a problem for many couples when the partner does not work. I am socially starved and I am not quite sure how it is all going to change. I will have therapy on my knee sometime when the dr says it is ok for me to do and perhaps I will meet some people there. We only have one car and it has a lot of miles on it so we don't do alot of extra traveling with it as we are nursing it along until we can get another car.

I am not a 'crafty' person and due to my shoulder pain I can't knit or crochet anymore. I have started reading books again and not just exclusively relying on my computer and that is a good thing. I use to love to read and after a computer became a part of my life I seemed to give that up. I think hubby and I need to take a class together somewhere to create a common hobby other then related to tv's and computers. He use to sing with a group and that took up a lot of our time but he's not doing that right now and I do miss that terribly.

It is fair to say we have had a rough 6 months dealing with this injury and subsequent surgery. It has taken a toll on both of us. Our nerves and compassion seem rather frail and thin at the moment and we are rubbing each other the wrong way more often then I care to admit. I will be glad when normalcy in our relationship returns. If it were to stay this brisk I would not survive it emotionally.

Well it is late again and I only had 3 hours of sleep last night so I guess I will sign off now.

Peace, love, honor, and courage,
Aly

Well we will see if we can pull off having them up here this weekend if hubby and I both stop sniffling and sneezing. I had it wicked yesterday and I heard him sniffling this morning. Even my eyeballs hurt. I finally took a pain pill and went to bed and I feel abit better this morning so now I'm doing laundry, cleaning bathrooms and sinks, and just sprucing things up in general in case they are able to come up. If not, I think the cosmos does not want us to get together. This is about our 4th attempt at it!

Jordan will be unhappy as he doesn't care for my sister's loud voice so he will be in hiding for most of the day and be out prowling and sniffing around at night making sure we are all safe, lol. Yesterday they cut down a huge tree in back of our place on the golf course and it scared he and I about to wits end it was such a large crash! It sounded like a bomb going off. I wish they had warned me as it was right outside the master bedroom window, lol.

My brother has been giving me some encouragement in relation to my health and hopes we can get together as a family as he thinks it will be good for us all. Honestly, I think it is an attempt for my sister to try to make amends for all things she has said about me. Will I trust her? I don't really know. I want to but I am scared to....

I do hope everyone has a good weekend. If I do have company here I won't have much time to post unless it is during the night.

Hugs and Peace to Your Hearts,
Aly

Well since it is my granddaughter's birthday at the end of the month I called her to ask her to ask her what she would like to have. Well she replied, "I'd like to have a baby. A walking and talking baby girl!" Well I said, "I'll do what I can sweetheart, but I'm not sure I can fill this request, lol!" So if any of you know of a baby girl doll that walks and talks that doesn't cost a fortune, please let me know. In the meantime I will be surfing the web to see what I can find. My son said, "Mom, if that is not doable remember we have a Playstation 2 now so some game for that would be just fine too!"

This child has an imagination that would put many adults to shame, grin. She is very bright, very talkative, and loves to make up very long stories to tell you if you will lend her your ear. Needless to say we are all so proud of her and she brings so much joy to us all.

Well off to surf for awhile!

Hugs and Peace to your Hearts,
Aly

Mood: calming down

Well I awoke from a sound sleep of a whole 3 hours completely panic stricken from a nightmare about being tricked by someone who supposedly loved me... and losing someone I loved. My heart was racing as if an animal were chasing me. Hubby held me and we talked awhile and he of course reassured me that he will be here the entire time and no one will be hurting me/my feelings while he is here. His protective side is showing. I told while I pray the visit goes well, deep inside my heart I don't trust that my sister won't hurt me while she is here. Before she has arrived even she brought up a very painful issue between us. 5 years ago my son and his wife and little baby girl were packing up and moving back to CT to be closer to her mom who had been quite ill. Well my son had another friend in Tucson who they were visiting before leaving the State and they were also going to visit my sister and aunt. I hadn't had a chance to see much of them as there was so much going on. It was only a few months after Haley was born that they left. My heart was broken to see them leave, but it is their life to live.

I called and asked them if it would be alright if we had a caravan trip to Tucson so I could spend a little more time with them. They said sure, that would be fun. Well I called my sister she told me no. She wanted this visit to herself to enjoy the baby. My gf was with me and heard her on the speaker phone and she was as shocked as I was that she wasn't allowing me to visit before my son and his family left the state. Well two days ago she actually had the nerve to bring that topic up to me on the phone about what she cooked for them and what a wonderful time she had. Sometimes I think she is just sick with vengence or something. I don't understand her motivations and choices in life at all. So now that she has brought that up before she even gets here, she has once more reinforced it is not safe to trust her.

Sighing... I must try to get more sleep. I am so tired.

Hugs,
Aly

Mood: very good

Well I managed to get a hold of both my sons before they got off and running to friends and families where they live and they are both feeling well and sounding upbeat about the holidays. They received their gifts on time and little Haley is so excited that Christmas is finally here that she can hardly contain herself! I guess to her it has been a VERY long wait, smile.

Hubby is on the way home from working a few hours this morning and we will be starting the prep work for Christmas dinner tomorrow. Our dishwasher needs replacing but won't be replaced until next week so we are trying to manage until then. It just will be easier to break up some of the work over the two days.

Our friend who is visiting us tonight will have his little girl with him also so we will give her her Christmas presents tonight. She is a real sweetheart and loves coming here :). I understand he's bringing his new Playstation 2 with him so I imagine he and hubby will play some games if time permits, lol.

I am trying to get my back quieted down this morning as I have overdone over these past few days and it is talking back to me big time. I will use my TENS unit on it to see if it will quiet my muscle spasms down. I am hopeful it will!

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone and make sure that the ones you love know they are loved and not just with gift exchanges ;). I know I have talked alot about the prep for this holiday in terms of getting things done, but the real reason that Christmas is so special is the message and spirit of Love. May God bless us all with a warm and healthy holiday season.

Hugs and Peace to your Hearts,
Aly

Well after seeking out help from a variety of sources regarding the fractured relationship with my aunt and sister, I am trying to forgive them for betraying me and give them, and me, another chance. It was suggested to me that many of us have 'horrible thoughts' about others at times but that usually we don't let those thoughts slip. When it happens it usually results in a broken relationship, or even an ending to a relationship. I was pretty much at that place feeling that I could not trust either of them to not hurt or betray me again. My therapist feels it would be too harmful for me to keep a wall up for any extensive period of time without it causing me more internal and or emotional pain of which I can't risk adding any more to my state of being. She further suggests that we often have superficial relationships with some friends and it is also possible to have a similar kind of one with a family member. Know what they are capable of, but also know that they cannot hurt you, or penetrate your soul, as long as you stay true to who you are and that those who know you and love you would never believe some of the outlandish accusations that might be made from some of their own shortcomings.

Based on this information and a few days to sit with it, tonight I made a phone call to my sister. She thanked me for calling her and said I made her day. I guess I will accept that on face value. I told her we couldn't get together at Christmas as hubby doesn't have much time off but that we could arrange to see each other over New Year's as he has 4 days off. That sounded fine to them so we will do our best to make that work.

In the spirit of Christmas, of love and kindness, I invite anyone else who has a similar kind of situation going on in their lives, to join me in an attempt to forgive those who have trespassed us, and to move towards a better relationship for all parties concerned.

Peace and Love to your Hearts,
Aly

Mood: sad and in grief

It had been brought to my attention a few years ago that my sister had said something behind my back to a very good friend of mine. It concerned my aunt who had a lot of money stolen from her. The bank had investigated many people in the bank and came up with nothing, and so they asked if any member of the family could be involved. They answered no to them, but to my friend, my sister suggested that since I had lived with my aunt for a few months time, perhaps it had been ME!!! I was sickened when I first heard this info but did not want to compromise my friend's confidence in telling me this information. Needless to say, I put it away and thought I could deal with it somehow. I am use to keeping family secrets....

Well more recently, my adopted aunt who visits us regularly told me of two other incidents where my sister and aunt had said some unkind things about me, hubby, and my friend. We all broke our backs when my aunt had to have two major surgeries, besides losing pay from missing work, purchasing a futon for them to sleep on, running to the hospital daily, doing her laundry, and the list goes on. Well it seems they felt they helped out too much with money for food!! We were all so upset after hearing this, that none of us have felt the same way about them since.

After that, as I think I posted before, my sister had shown my brother all my mother's diaries. None of which I knew existed, nor had she ever offered to show them to me. I was devastated again.

I called my aunt and brought these things to her attention. After doing so, I did not hear from them for 3 weeks time. Finally they called and left a message that they would like to talk. We did. It was one of the most difficult conversations I have had in my lifetime. After about 20 minutes had passed in the conversation my sister said, 'what do you want from me?' and is this the end of our relationship? I said I want to know if you really said that about me, and if you, and or my aunt really could believe such a thing about me? She finally admitted saying it and explained that it was only after the attorney suggested a family member that the thought entered her mind. She now says she never really believed it.

My aunt just wants to be angry with my friend for telling me. She knew I was struggling with it still and having nightmares about it and gave me permission to address this subject with them. That took great courage on her part.

Now we are at this very uncomfortable juncture in our relationship. How can I EVER trust her again? I have prayed extensively about this and frankly, I don't know if I can. With a sister behaving like this, who needs enemies?

November 8th was my dad's birthday. He was so special to me and left us all way to early. He taught us all how to love unconditionally as he did us. I thought I'd look up some information about his date of birth. Love you Dad........

Your Sun is in Scorpio in the Pisces decanate and the Taurus quadrant.

The rulers of your Sun in Scorpio are Pluto and Mars. Secondary rulers of your decanate and quadrant signs are Neptune and Venus.

You are both logical and intuitive. You won't act on a hunch unless you have worked it out on a logical level first. Personal relationships are a part of your life in which you experience many ups and downs. Not always easy to live with, you can sometimes be quite set in your ways. You hold onto things and people tenaciously, and sometimes do so even when they no longer offer you growth opportunities. Self-employment is best for you, as you have your own way of doing things. You are very perceptive and intuitive, and your dedication is tremendous. Persistence is one of your finest traits.

Logical - Persistent - Intuitive

Mary Hart, born November 8, 1951 TV hostess, Entertainment Tonight.

Bonnie Raitt, born November 8, 1949 Singer, songwriter.

Edmond Halley, born November 8, 1656 Astronomer

Numerology of November 8

You were born on the 8th day of the month. You convey a strong personal charisma. You are hard-working, dedicated, and strong. Obstacles in your life path may be a little more than most, especially in the personal relationship arena, but you are very equipped to overcome them. Factoring in the 11th month of November, you are a number 1. Your life is not an open book. You shoulder many responsibilities and many consider you a pioneer. You don't always turn to others for support or even advice, preferring to listen to your own intuition. Factoring in your birth year gives you your Birth Path Number—a highly personal number for you. Find out how to determine this number here.

Most Favorable Days of the Month are 8, 17, 26, especially when these days (of any month) fall on a Saturday; and/or when the Sun is in Capricorn. The best colors for you are dark ones--dark grey, black, dark blue, and deep purple. You might want to wear amethyst, sapphire, black pearl, or black diamond next to your skin.

Mood: sad

Over the past few years after hubby and I moved here from VA, we have been afforded the opportunity to get to see more of my aunt and my sister who share a home in Tucson. Well at least that was my hope when we moved out here.

During that time we have helped out my aunt by taking her in twice before and after 2 brain surgeries, visiting her every day, doing her laundry, meeting her needs whatever they were. I lost time from work and so did my friend who was helping me. We purchased a new queen futon for a place for them to sleep. Many sacrifices were made. Many years ago my sister had a partial mastectomy and I stayed with her in the hospital and then with her in her home as she recuperated for 6 weeks later. That cost me my job. Again later on when my sister's husband died suddenly I was on the plane the next day to help her out. When my mom was in my sister's home after she became very ill I came out and stayed with them several weeks while we set up home care helpers for her. Again when I got back to my job, my duties had changed. 

When I needed to have knee surgery I asked my aunt who was ok at the time to come to VA to help me. Well somehow they 'lost' the ticket and my other aunt had to come to help instead. Mysteriously after I recovered they 'found' the missing ticket.  When I was suppose to have gallbladder surgery again I asked if one of them could come up and help me for a day or two. There was too much going on down there for them to help. Well the surgery was cancelled when the doctor thought I should have another EKG first. Whenever I have asked for help in return, there has been some reason why they couldn't help me.

We have lived here more then 5 years and not once has my aunt come to visit with us during that time except when she needed help. This has caused me so much sadness. Then I learned from my friend that my sister had made a very bad accusation about me to her several years ago. I let it go. Then we heard from a friend of the family that they didn't feel we did enough for my aunt and my sister had to pay too much money for food. They don't even imagine the amount of lost income we suffered, the daily trips, the new futon, instead they gossiped behind our backs that we didn't do enough for them. Again, I felt betrayed. When my brother was just out here, he asked to come back up here the night before his flight out. Well they never bothered to let me know if he was coming up by shuttle or if they were bringing the next day. Finally I called at 10 pm to ask. He said they would be bringing him up around 3. Well I got a call saying they were leaving and would be here on time An hour later another call. They were hungry and were going to stop for lunch so they would be delayed. They knew hubby was fixing a special dinner for my brother for his last night here but they had to stop. So be it. They arrived and we all spent a bit of time chatting. We offered them to stay for dinner and dessert with us. They declined dinner but had dessert and tea. Unbeknownst to me, they had packed a bag and were planning on staying here. They knew hubby hadn't been well and was working two jobs, and I had been ill since taking the Levaquin, but they felt it ok to push themselves on us. We did not offer an invitation as we were exhausted ourselves. They left and we spent a quiet nite with my brother. He packed and talked to us at length. The next morning he wanted to do some last minute shopping for his wife so we took him to Old Scottsdale before taking him to the Airport.

I'm sorry this is so long but it has been hurting my guts to keep all this inside. Well I finally called my aunt 2 weeks ago during the day and I brought some of these hurtful things to her attention to try and clear things up. She was not willing to tell me if she and my sister had made those awful accusations about me, but instead tried to turn it around on me by saying, 'you must not have any faith in me.' Well I know my friend did not make this up. She did say they planned on staying the night and were hurt they weren't invited, even knowing our health situation. You never go to my sister's to stay without an advance notice. It is just not done. But, it was expected of me. We spoke some more and she called my friend to try and get the 'facts' about her conversation with my sister but she hasn't called her back yet. I don't care if she does. I know the truth now, but now, I can't believe the truth.

I have realized that I don't really have the love and respect from my sister that I have so longed for all these years, nor do I have it from my aunt. They have not called us once since the call I made to them. Not one call to say those 2 simple words, 'I'm sorry."

Where do we go from here? I don't know. I only know I have to start taking care of my heart and soul and stop being hurt by them. It takes a lot for me to 'give up' on people, but I guess it is that time. My friends treat me better then they do........     

to be continued at some point,
Aly

Mood: I just smile looking at her!

Well I am sure at one time or another some of you, or maybe all of you, have run into a family conflict that has been so huge you might have stayed awayed from dealing with it for fear of the eventual fallout of it.

Well I decided in the middle of this week I would try and solve and old 'conflict' or 'lie spoken about me' by a family member. Well I relayed my disappointment and horror that such a remark could be made about me since supposedly I am a valued member of the family. Well after learning about the ridiculous suggestion made about me to a friend of mine, I have dutifully kept it 'quiet or a secret' to spare the person it was told to any ramifications. She recently gave me permission to discuss it. Bless her heart on that one! Now I sit and wait and for 3 days the phone has not rung.........

In the meantime I had to get a shot for my fibro pain which was awful and that in turn gave me a really bad bout of gastritis! I swear. Me and meds just are not sympatico.

Well I am going to try and eat some soup now. Wish me luck please.

Hugs always,

Aly 

This is a day of mixed feelings. My dad died on this day many years ago. I loved him so much. He was always the one I could count on to show me his feelings, to take care of my hurts, and to make me laugh when I was sad.

So while I miss him being here with us, I also honor his memory today with love and respect.

God Bless You, Dad.

I ache at the core of my soul over the fractured relationships between my sister, my aunt, and me. I no longer trust putting my heart out there to be hurt anymore. I can feel myself withdrawing to some safe place inside. No matter what I have done to prove my love for my family when it comes to showing me love back or that they will be there when I am ill and need them, they have proven time after time that they are not dependable, only needy.

It hurts to acknowledge this. It hurts to know we have no true 'loving' relationship.

With that said, I'll say goodnite.

Peace,

Aly