Are you among the many people 'trapped' in a hostile marriage thinking there is no way out? No other options other then enduring your day-to-day hell, and keeping it 'secret' from the rest of the world?
Too many people suffer from this, both men and women. Threats of inflicting harm to themselves or others usually keeps the other partner from taking action and reclaiming sanity for their own lives.
"Six months into my marriage, I knew I was in trouble. My husband brought a huge amount of unresolved anger into our marriage. His bad childhood became my bad marriage. When I married him, I was somewhat aware of his past, but realistically, I was still very naive about how deep his wounds were — and how his experience as a victim of childhood abuse would impact me and our two sons.
At different times, his brand of physical and mental cruelty included kicking me with steel-toed boots, trying to force my hands into the flames of the fireplace — even aiming a gun at me. For 23 years, he held me hostage with the threat that if I left, I’d never see my sons again.
At first, my optimistic outlook on life kept me believing that if I would just love him enough, he would change. I loved him, I prayed for him, I tolerated the pain he caused me, and year after year I ignored the lack of normalcy in my life.
In my denial, I never gave up hope that he would change. I made excuses for his behavior and hoped and prayed, never seeing any evidences of change. Perhaps it was my fault, I thought … if I were to just love him more.
Survivors
Within the setting of our beautiful home, my two boys and I learned to live in survival mode. Like three little mice, never knowing when the trap would spring shut, our tolerance for name calling, intimidation, shaking, yelling, pushing and hitting was forced to grow.
The three of us kept our family secret very well. When bruises would show up on my shins, I wore long dresses or pants. Makeup covered the broken capillaries on my right cheek or sometimes my chin.
But worse by far than the physical abuse was the verbal abuse. I hardly remember a day when I wasn't insulted, put down or verbally assaulted. The words sunk deep into my soul and did almost irreparable damage. Truly, words have the power of life or death.
To the outside world, we were the ideal American family. We were country club members and successful business owners. My boys excelled in school and in sports. My children and I learned to cope, and our hearts shared our common secrets.
Too Much to Bear
By 1989, 19 years of this destructive lifestyle had taken its toll on my emotional health. People can be grumpy or negative and it will not hurt you deeply. But in a destructive relationship like my marriage, the abuser destroys the very core of your being.
They gradually wear away the very person you are until you no longer have a healthy image of who God made you to be. In the abuser’s presence you become so beaten down that you begin to expect bad treatment. What's worse, you actually "feed" on that bad treatment. It was in the depths of the resulting depression that I began to plan my own suicide.
By this time, my sons had finally left home and both were attending the United States Air Force Academy — well out of my husband’s reach. I began writing letters to my boys in case I ever truly got the courage to end my life. As I journaled, I began copying verses from the Psalms into small notebooks.
I had a tiny little Bible, the kind they give soldiers in the field. I would hide in the bathroom to read it. As I copied verses — Oh, how they penetrated my soul! It was the balm of those words that began my emotional healing."
http://www.family.org/focusoverfifty/justforyou/a0031848.cfm
To read the entire story outlined above, please click on the link. If any of this sounds familiar to you, please take heed and learn to take care of yourself!
Hugs,
Aly
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