Beefy Or Peachy

Nov 14, 2006 at 18:55 o\clock

When a family member betrays you

by: Buttercup2   Category: Family News   Keywords: family, betrays, confrontation, resolution

Mood: sad and in grief

It had been brought to my attention a few years ago that my sister had said something behind my back to a very good friend of mine. It concerned my aunt who had a lot of money stolen from her. The bank had investigated many people in the bank and came up with nothing, and so they asked if any member of the family could be involved. They answered no to them, but to my friend, my sister suggested that since I had lived with my aunt for a few months time, perhaps it had been ME!!! I was sickened when I first heard this info but did not want to compromise my friend's confidence in telling me this information. Needless to say, I put it away and thought I could deal with it somehow. I am use to keeping family secrets....

Well more recently, my adopted aunt who visits us regularly told me of two other incidents where my sister and aunt had said some unkind things about me, hubby, and my friend. We all broke our backs when my aunt had to have two major surgeries, besides losing pay from missing work, purchasing a futon for them to sleep on, running to the hospital daily, doing her laundry, and the list goes on. Well it seems they felt they helped out too much with money for food!! We were all so upset after hearing this, that none of us have felt the same way about them since.

After that, as I think I posted before, my sister had shown my brother all my mother's diaries. None of which I knew existed, nor had she ever offered to show them to me. I was devastated again.

I called my aunt and brought these things to her attention. After doing so, I did not hear from them for 3 weeks time. Finally they called and left a message that they would like to talk. We did. It was one of the most difficult conversations I have had in my lifetime. After about 20 minutes had passed in the conversation my sister said, 'what do you want from me?' and is this the end of our relationship? I said I want to know if you really said that about me, and if you, and or my aunt really could believe such a thing about me? She finally admitted saying it and explained that it was only after the attorney suggested a family member that the thought entered her mind. She now says she never really believed it.

My aunt just wants to be angry with my friend for telling me. She knew I was struggling with it still and having nightmares about it and gave me permission to address this subject with them. That took great courage on her part.

Now we are at this very uncomfortable juncture in our relationship. How can I EVER trust her again? I have prayed extensively about this and frankly, I don't know if I can. With a sister behaving like this, who needs enemies?

Comments for this entry:

  1. quoteJackie wrote at Nov 14, 2006 at 22:58 o\clock:Hmmm...are our sisters from the same mother? I swear it is the same here for me and now I found out she IS taking money out of my deceased mothers' savings. At least $5000 so far. I swear I am so ready to give up and just kill kill kill anyone who comes near me! That is sarcasm so if anyone decides to say stuff about it to me...get over it. lol Anyways, I DO know how you feel. Such betrayal and with family...they all must have nothing better to do but sit and conspire. Hope you are well...

    *grins*
  2. quoteButtercup2 wrote at Nov 14, 2006 at 23:29 o\clock:Oh she was on my mom's checking acct for a good long time before she passed and used a great deal of her money gambling her sorrows away. Now she is doing the same thing with my aunt who is living with her. It is her who may have inappropriate money issues, not me. I do hope things turn around for you too Jackie. HUGS.
  3. quotehenry wrote at Nov 15, 2006 at 11:45 o\clock:Money is the root of all evils! Wondering who was the one who invented money!
    Take care!
  4. quoteButtercup2 wrote at Nov 15, 2006 at 14:36 o\clock:Since this was not her first attempt at character assassination towards me I felt I had to finally confront her with her actions. How we will ever work things out.. I am not sure. Thanks for droppin by henry~
  5. quoteSeqkat wrote at Nov 15, 2006 at 17:46 o\clock:Family members are the worst to deal with. You can pick your friends, but not your family, right?

    I know you're hurting, (so been there!), and you have every right to be angry.

    People will discredit another to promote themselves to others, or even to promote themselves to their own self!

    Your sister is displaying a personal problem within herself - and that is in her own self-evaluation. She judges and/or lays blame on you trying to see herself as better. When in actuality all she is doing is displaying her own personal problems. Only those unaware cannot see that.

    Remember this, and know who you really are - and that is the best way to rid yourself of this anger and restore yourself to peace and calm. Take a deep breath - there is much power there.

    Time - and most importantly awareness - awareness of what your sister really does with her attacks, (and that is to struggle with her own inner personal problems) - and especially awareness of who you really are, a being of light, love and kindness - is the road to healing.

    I will keep you in prayer, Aly!

    In His Joy,
    Seqkat >^..^<
  6. quoteButtercup2 wrote at Nov 15, 2006 at 18:33 o\clock:Thank you so much for your kind and wise words. I will do just that. I knew I finally had to confront her about her behavior towards me as it is a continual thing, while claiming to love me and look out for me! Raised eyebrows here, lol.
  7. quoteSeqkat wrote at Nov 15, 2006 at 19:15 o\clock:It is very healthy to stand up to someone and tell them to stop doing something that hurts you! Bravo to you!

    In His Joy,
    Seqkat >^..^<
  8. quoteButtercup2 wrote at Nov 16, 2006 at 02:08 o\clock:While it had a physical impact on my body to do it, I am hoping it will have a more positive effect on my emotional well-being and self esteem by telling her it is not ok to spread lies about me. Enough is enough.
    Peace, Aly
  9. quoteSeqkat wrote at Nov 16, 2006 at 15:41 o\clock:Usually the physical sensations one experiences when they confront another is from a subconcious guilt. You care. You don't want to hurt her. You've been sacrificing your own health, and letting her hurt you, so you would not have to hurt her.

    This comes from love. But the hardest thing one who loves and cares has to learn is to love their self first. Loving yourself will cause you to take care of yourself, and then when you're at your fullest health, it is then you can truly help others. So, loving yourself first is NOT a selfish thing. It is vital and precious!

    Also, it seems we're doing a horrible thing to hurt another, when confronting them about hurting us. When in actuality, you are doing them a favor. It's not good for them spiritually to keep abusing someone. And as long as they can get away with it, they will do it. This causes a great unbalance for their soul as well, whether or not they know it.

    So in actuality, when you confronted her, you not only made a healthy loving choice for yourself, but you made a healthy loving choice for your sister as well.

    Now, take a deep breath and take that all in. That will help you regain your physical balance, as well as your spiritual and emotional balance as well!

    God's love is radiating THROUGH you! It is with God's strength, you were able to do this! And that is awesome, Aly - that is as awesome as you are!! :)

    In His Joy,
    Seqkat >^..^<
  10. quoteButtercup2 wrote at Nov 16, 2006 at 17:01 o\clock:I did speak to my sister last night about my aunt and her physical condition. She has glaucoma and it has worsened over the past few weeks. It did seem as though my sister felt a bit easier talking to me. Perhaps a lighter state of being, we shall see. My aunt is punishing me by not answering my phone calls as she is taking this as a personal attack against them both instead of dealing with reality. I will pray for her well-being.

    Have a great day :) Aly
  11. quoteSeqkat wrote at Nov 16, 2006 at 17:40 o\clock:Atta girl! See, God's love just keeps on radiating THROUGH you! What a beautiful vessel you are!

    In His Joy,
    Seqkat >^..^<
  12. quoteButtercup2 wrote at Nov 21, 2006 at 12:51 o\clock:Well there hasn't been any talk about Thanksgiving from my sister or aunt and hubby doesn't yet feel comfortable having them up here so off we go to Sedona on Thursday morning. It is all so sad and has made my 'spirit' feel so tired.
  13. quoteAnonymous wrote at May 15, 2009 at 06:32 o\clock:I know how you feel. It's amazing what my jealous sister is doing to me. I cannot even go into the drama but I feel your pain.

    I came across this today: "I think how much you have helped me; I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings." Psalm 63, vs 9

    God NEVER sleeps! He will repay all of us according to our works. Rejoice that, though you may suffer hurt and betrayal, that you have your reward in heaven waiting for you. Much Peace to you. Hang in there sweetie. At the end of every trial, there is a blessing. I promise you that.
  14. quoteGinger Vale wrote at Oct 18, 2009 at 21:06 o\clock:Money is not the root of all evil. The "love" of money is the root of all evil.
  15. quoteCan relate wrote at Jan 24, 2010 at 08:21 o\clock:Hi there... I realize this blog is several years old but I just wanted to share with you that I can wholeheartedly understand. My sister, who was my entire life, my everything crossed the line and completely betrayed me, lied to me, to my paretns about me, to my friends, verbally abused me, threw me under the bus and ultimately broke me.....

    I don't understand how your own family-- people that are linked to you by flesh and blood... can harm their own blood in such a way....

    I hope that now, in 2010, you and your sister have been able to reconcile.... but if not, I pray that one day you will be able to....

    I feel that it is too late with my sister and I.

    (btw I randomly found your blog... i was doing a google search for sisters who betray you...and found yours... thank you)
  16. quoteblessed wrote at Feb 9, 2010 at 06:31 o\clock:going through the same thing i have 3 sisters and they all use me talk about me behind my back. jealosy is a ugly thing, but sometimes its better to stay your distance when you are the one trying to do rite. but i truly understand blood is not thicker than water all the times!!! LOL

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