Panic has set in
Mood: calming down
Well I awoke from a sound sleep of a whole 3 hours completely panic stricken from a nightmare about being tricked by someone who supposedly loved me... and losing someone I loved. My heart was racing as if an animal were chasing me. Hubby held me and we talked awhile and he of course reassured me that he will be here the entire time and no one will be hurting me/my feelings while he is here. His protective side is showing. I told while I pray the visit goes well, deep inside my heart I don't trust that my sister won't hurt me while she is here. Before she has arrived even she brought up a very painful issue between us. 5 years ago my son and his wife and little baby girl were packing up and moving back to CT to be closer to her mom who had been quite ill. Well my son had another friend in Tucson who they were visiting before leaving the State and they were also going to visit my sister and aunt. I hadn't had a chance to see much of them as there was so much going on. It was only a few months after Haley was born that they left. My heart was broken to see them leave, but it is their life to live.
I called and asked them if it would be alright if we had a caravan trip to Tucson so I could spend a little more time with them. They said sure, that would be fun. Well I called my sister she told me no. She wanted this visit to herself to enjoy the baby. My gf was with me and heard her on the speaker phone and she was as shocked as I was that she wasn't allowing me to visit before my son and his family left the state. Well two days ago she actually had the nerve to bring that topic up to me on the phone about what she cooked for them and what a wonderful time she had. Sometimes I think she is just sick with vengence or something. I don't understand her motivations and choices in life at all. So now that she has brought that up before she even gets here, she has once more reinforced it is not safe to trust her.
Sighing... I must try to get more sleep. I am so tired.
Hugs,
Aly
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