Arsenic and Aspedistras

The wheelie bin has been in the news lately because of the chip that some councils are going to place inside the re-cycle bin--obviously to monitor our dirty British habits. Actually, before I left Norfolk to work in Egypt a year ago, it was being proposed for the Norfolk bins as a test, so the news is nothing new. However one can imagine the implications as a continually nervous Britain copes with spies in the dustbin. Here's a short scenario of the "wheelie spies" at work.

Spy 1: 'Ere Fred, that looks like an envelope and the bluddy plastic window's still there.'

Spy 2: ' Cor, Jim, you're bluddy right. Write down bin no. 6548.'

Spy 1; That lad's in shit all right.'

Spy 2: 'That's nought Jim. Look at this !'

Spy 1: 'God, it's a bloody Heineken can and its still half full of lager.'

Spy 2: ' And fokkin' flat too.'

Spy 1: ' Bin 6548 is in deep horse manure. I reckon t' council will ban him.'

Spy 2: ' Prison for him ,mate.'

Spy 1: ' Too right.'

Spy 2: ' What the hell is that?'

Spy 1: Condom, condom mate.'

Spy 2: Is it tied off?'

Spy 1: ' Looks okay.'

Spy 2: ' What does book say?'

Spy 1: ' Book says: Tied off condoms must be disposed of."

Spy 2: 'Where.'

Spy 1: 'Doesn't say.'

Spy 2:' Doesn't say? You mean there's no rule?'

Spy 1: 'Yep, no rule for condoms.'

Spy 2: ' Let's go down t' poob.'

Spy 1: 'What about 6548?'

Spy 2: ' Booger 6548.'